I visit her grave with Fresh Flowers every week without fail. She was a good woman with a pure heart. I loved her more than life itself, and still do.
I met Elizabeth Rose Howard in the Second Grade. I called her Beth from the first time I met her. "Much to her parents chagrin." I teased her a little as boys do to girls. We seemed to get on well from the first time we talked in the playground. I would tease and she would fire back with a comment that soon put me in my place, nothing hurtful, but she would let it be known she could give as good as she got. As time went by we were being picked up by each or others parents, Which meant we spent a lot of time at each other's houses. By Fifth Grade we were virtually joined at the hip. Of course being a boy I couldn't admit that I liked her, that wouldn't be cool or normal for a boy of my age, to pay too much attention to a girl. But when we were alone it was completely different. We would go to the park play, rough and tumble, of course that was the way Beth was.
I have introduced Beth now I suppose it's my turn. Where do I start? My name is David Turner. I prefer to be called Dave. I have explained how we met, but this is about you getting to know the other half. I was a boy in every way, I played Baseball and Football. I would hang about with the guys after practice and at weekends. Even during school time. The main thing was I wasn't a fighter, I would do everything I could to avoid trouble of any kind. I often wondered if that's what Beth first liked about me. I could be gentle, and was, where Beth was concerned. My mom said I couldn't hurt a fly, which was true most of the time. From seventh Grade we went to the Movies and dances at school, "And I mean every dance." She tired me out. We went everywhere together, sometimes even ignoring my friends and hers. 'Love conquers all.' By twelfth Grade we were an item. We both Graduated, went to same College and University. She was clever and more astute than I was. During our time of learning we were inseparable, we very much in love. At 21 years old we got married. Neither of our parents objected, as they had seen the love the two of us had grown from childhood.
At University, Beth took and received her Degree both in Accounting and Law. I received a Degree for both Accounting and Business. I became the Office Boy, and Coffee Maker at a Company called Steadfast Realtor. After twelve months I was ready to walk out the door with all the other disillusioned staff. I came to work early as usual when I was called into the office. In his wisdom my boss thought I was now ready to be a salesperson. I was still the General Dog's Body, but it was a Start. I slowly became "THE" salesman. I got a regular bonus to match at the end of the company's financial year. After only three years at the company I got offered a partnership which I gladly accepted. With money I had saved, some help from my parents and a loan I became a partner. It wasn't a big company by any means, just something a couple of friends started up, as they put it "saves having of working." It wasn't long after they wanted 'A taste of the high life,' as they put it. Shocked but not surprised, six months later they asked if I wanted to buy them out. Again I went for a loan to top-up what I already had in the bank. So with a Cashiers Cheque and a handshake I now owned my own Company. Now the deal was sealed and double stamped, I put my feet under the table and changed the name above the door. I had already built up my reputation and clientele when I started at the company. I did and have done everything fair and by the book before and after I became the owner. The people I had worked with also recommended quite a few of their own clients. The Company really started to take off. Within the first 3 years I had paid my loan, I could even give my dad back the money he gave me 'With Interest.' After all my debts were paid I started buying bits of land. My financial advisor recommended buying land in the states. He stated that would bring in extra income as land prices increased. We negotiated buying land in Las Vegas and Florida. Prices being at a different level in Canada meant that it would give the company some security and something to fall back on if the business fell on hard times. Some of the land that was purchased would hold a good profit when the time came. With Money in the bank, Real Estate and land the House Builders wanted, I was now financially secure. I could sell the business and not have the stress or worry. Being the boss has its advantages. I don't need to go into the office as I have staff who could probably run it on their own. With my business and Beth doing well as a Lawyer we were really in good shape financially. With my advice we started looking to purchase a second home. We called it our Summer Home. It would be there for our own use and when the stress levels got to high. It was also a good investment for troubled times.
We purchased a property in Nelson, British Columbia. To me it was Heaven. It is a two floor Family Home, Six Bedrooms. Two Master bedrooms, one on the Lower lever and one on the Upper level. "The Two Master bedrooms being nearly as big as the Living Room. With the Four remaining Bedrooms near or half the size. It has 6 fully equipped Bathrooms. The Rear of the house looks out towards the Forest and the Lake. You really get to see all kinds of wildlife. I have turned one of the rooms into an office. The views were at night, well, it had to be seen to be believed. It is built on over 7000 Sq. Feet. Approx. 160 acres of land, so it has plenty of room, inside and out. Swimming Pool, Sauna Jacuzzi and Spa. As you walk farther out the back it has Fruit bearing trees, Plums, Pears and Apples. Also berry bearing plants, Strawberries, Cherries, Raspberries, Blackberries and Red Currants. With all the fruits and vegetables that were being grown I set it up as a business. It has all the Machinery it would need for the picking and cultivating the land. I hired a permanent manager to work and live on site. Apart from the Main house there were two Ranch style houses. Beth loved it the minute she saw it she was hooked. She said "it would be a great place for bringing up children."
One cold and very cruel night Beth suffered a Heart Attack. When they did the autopsy they found she had congenital heart disease 'CHD'. This was a shock, even to her parents. I had grown up beside her. She was really fit and never abused her body in any way. They said it would have been quick and painless.
Please forgive me for not going into the full details of the Funeral. Beth was my Life. Please accept it was the hardest thing I have had to do in, something that I hope I never have to go through again. Her family and friends were devastated when they heard the news. Her parents "Bill and Sandra" would have gladly taken her place. As for me I would have gone with her if I had the choice. Living without her is not something I am looking forward to doing.
We didn't have children because of our careers. Not saying we wouldn't have in the future. This may look as I am simplifying her death, "But I am not." My head or my heart will not let me speak the way I feel and have felt since I lost my; SOULMATE, my FUTURE, and my LIFE. Like so many other people involved with her death, "A very big piece of us died that day. It may sound demeaning but they say as times goes by it gets easier to come to terms with your loss. I am now 35 years old and believe me it is still as raw as if it had happened yesterday.
I moved away from the place I was born and grew up. I drifted away from my friends. I even stopped talking to my family. They had to decide to have me around on my terms. I left my phone number and address so they could contact me, "I don't know why." After all it wasn't their fault. It was me who was running away. I closed the door on everyone that I knew or was involved in my life. I put myself in a dungeon and locked the door. I was keeping everyone away from me, trying to make them suffer for how I was feeling. It wasn't something I wanted to do. I just went along with what my head was telling me. Which dug a hole even deeper in what I presume was my own self-destructive "Grief." I was drowning but couldn't come up for air. As the days, weeks then months went by I became more and more depressed. It was as if whatever I did was wrong. Depression can be worse than any drug you take. You feel useless, no self-worth. Then you ask yourself what are you doing? Why are you still living? There seems no way out. Only death can bring relief. Most people go for the bottle, me I shut out the whole world, and like with alcohol I just wanted to be put out of my misery. Then die.
It is now Thursday. Today will be the second time this week I will have gone to the cemetery. You see Beth will be 35 today. I will drive the short distance from where I live in New Westminster to Beth's cemetery. I will get the flowers at the shop close by. I will clear all around the burial site, tidy the Grave and lay the flowers in the front of the Headstone. I do this weekly, but because it is her Birthday I am a little more upset. I cleaned everything up and sat on the grass covering her. I wept for a while, in between talking to her. I know she can hear me because I am still here. Still alive.
I placed a Silver Cross at the base of the headstone and started talking to Beth. You are still Twenty six. HAPPY BIRTHDAY BETH. Many Happy Returns, you are now in peace. I am still in my own hell. You would have been thirty five. I still remember the way you looked, "You are still my Twenty Six year old Sweetheart even if I have grown older. You will never age. You will have your beauty forever."
After a few more tears I got up to go with the promise I would be back next week as usual. "OH GOD!! How I miss you." With tears still in my eyes I got up to leave. I had walked a little distance from one of the Headstones when I heard crying, it sounded like it was a child. I got back to the car but had to wait to see who had been sobbing. About 20 minutes later a woman with two children beside her came walking up the path. The woman was wiping tears away. The children looked pained and were still sobbing.
Looking at the lady I asked if I could be of assistance. "NO," she said.
"I'm sorry I didn't mean to interfere."
"Please accept my apologies. That was not the way I meant it."
"It's okay I understand, believe me."
"Please forgive me, I am Mary Clark. These are my two sons, Richard and Thomas. My husband Robert is buried here, he was killed in Iraq. I try to get here as often as I can, with my job and looking after the children I don't get to visit as often as I would like."
"Please accept my condolences on your loss. That was a terrible war."
After shaking hands I glanced over toward the children, they looked hesitant. I held my hand out. One of the boys walked timidly over and took my hand. Then the other boy did the same, walking slightly behind his brother. After a short while he took my hand. "Hi, if I tell you my name will you tell me yours?"
"I am Richard."
The small boy interrupted. "I am Thomas," he said.
"It is very nice to me you. My name is David... You may be shocked but I have a Surname too. Turner. David Turner at your service."
Richard spoke, "Hello Sir... My name is Richard Clark, that is my Mom, and this is Thomas."
"Now that I would never have known if your Mom had not told me."
Then Thomas jumped in, "You are silly."
His mom scolded him. "Thomas apologise to Mr Turner now. That was not very polite young man." He said he was sorry and started looking at his shoes.
"And I am sorry that you got scolded, so that makes us equal."
I think Thomas seemed to be coming round. Richard would take a while longer.
"So how old are you two boys?"
Richard was the one to answer. "I am 11 and Thomas is 9."
"Sorry about that Mr Taylor. They are normally very polite. I don't know what got into him."
"Please call me David. I think child or adult could never be comfortable in a cemetery."
"Can I invite you for a coffee? I could really do with one about now. OH and a soda for the Masters. Do we all agree?"
"Thank you, that would be appreciated. I'm sure the boys could do with the distraction."
"So Master Richard, Master Thomas is that to your taste?"
"You're silly," Thomas said, before he realized not to say it.
Before his mother could say anything I grabbed his wrist and started blowing a raspberry in the palm of his hand. That got me a delightful giggle.
Richard seemed to be taking it in his stride. "Excuse me Sir, but why are you here? Have you lost one of your family?"
I again jumped in before mom had a chance too. "Once we have something to drink we will talk about why we are here. Is that okay?"
We got in our cars and drove to the nearest restaurant. We got a table and ordered our drinks. "Anything to eat with that, my treat." Mary had the soup with salad, and us growing boys had a Quarter Pounder each.
When we got our meal and drinks I started to tell Richard why I was at the cemetery. After I explained to them who I had come to see and why she had died, they all had sad looks on their faces, more so Richard. "I'm sorry Mr Turner that you lost someone you loved so much." Then tears started rolling down his cheeks.
"Come here son. I think we both need a little comfort to heal our wounds," I said. He scrambled across and cried into my shoulder. "I know it hurts and it feels like the pain will always be there. A lot of my friends and family told me the pain gets easier as time goes on, I know it doesn't feel like that now but it will I promise. You see before I met you, your Mom and your brother I had shut myself away from everything and everyone, because the pain got so bad I felt my life was over. But since I met you and your family I know I can go back to living again." He saw I had just told him something very private and from my soul, and immediately leaned onto me for another hug. Thomas came across and sat on my lap. "Your dad is not gone, he is still here with you, and always will be. I put my hands on Richard's chest, he is in here. Whenever you want him just think of him, he'll know. And whatever he does for you, you will feel it in your heart."
Mary looked up and spoke. "That was very sweet David."
"Thank you," I said, and then looked at the boys.
"Look guys, when we feel sad we can all get some comfort. Through here," and pointed to their chests again. "If we feel sad we just think about each other then we will all feel better. What do you think guys?" Then there was silence while we finished our snacks.
Then Richard spoke, "It's going to be sad when you leave, and I don't want to feel sad anymore." Then His eyes began to water.
"Look guys I'm in here, pointing to my chest. As long as you're in here I won't be sad no more. And that's the same for you guys as well. Tell you what, you ever get lonely or you need someone to talk to call me, I will give you my cell phone and home phone so you don't have to be alone again. Does that sound like a plan?" I asked Mary how far she and the boys had to travel to get to the cemetery. She said they lived in Richmond. "Well guys it looks like that call is going to be short distance."
"Mr Turner, Sir, can we really get to talk to you when we want?"
"Thomas, I thought you had gone home, you were so quiet. Yes you can call me even if you don't feel lonely, as long as it's okay with your Mom." He did make some sort of a smile.
"Was that a frown, I wouldn't like you to get hurt if you had to smile."
"You are silly," he said.
"Ah, but I'm silly with a smile and goofy look."
Richard looked at his mom expectantly, "Can we mom?"
"Well Mr Turner seems to think it is okay."
I wrote down my Cell and Home Number on a napkin before we left the restaurant. As we were walking to our cars I thought I would tell Mary of my new plans for the summer. "Hey guys you see that vendor over there? You wanna go get an Ice Cream? My treat"
"Mom?"
"Okay Richard take your brother, but keep hold of his hand, okay?"
"Awwww MOM," Thomas said.
"That's the deal guys."
As the kids took off I started telling Mary that after what had happened today I was thinking about having a Summer Break. I said, "I would love for her and the boys to come along. I know I would love it, but I also think the kids could do with a change of scenery. I don't mean to be disrespectful, but I know a boy needs a man around. I know you do what is best for them but like having a Daughter she would still need her Mother. "A Woman's Touch." Though they would be heartbroken if you were out of their lives, they really miss their father. That was obvious by their reactions earlier. So what do you say?"
"I don't know David, I mean that would be really exciting for me and the boys, but we only just met you today."
I laughed a little. "I promise I only go to banks when I have too, I have seen a lot of people I would like to murder, but they are still alive, as far as I know. And I think the kids, as well as myself, are in need of something different, they need to get their minds off the tragedy of losing someone very close. I must admit I am being selfish. I am doing this as much for myself as the boys. Plus I would really like to get to know you better, If that is okay?"
"Okay, but we make our own way there," she said.
"Agreed, now let's go and see if they have left enough ice cream for us."
We walked up to the vendor to get some ice cream. Mary told the boys what was going to be happening in the next two weeks, and hopefully the next few weeks after.
"Really?" they both said in unison. "AWESOME! Mr Turner, Sir, we will be good, we promise we will," Richard said.
"I know you will, both of you. I am so glad I met you guys today." I said, with more feeling than I had intended. Richard and Thomas walked over and gave me a hug that would crush a mountain. And believe me that is difficult, I mean kids leaving ice cream for a hug is unheard of.
We agreed on the 2nd of July for her and the boys to arrive. (I was hoping this was going to be a new beginning for me and hopefully for them too). This was definitely going to be different, especially for me. One thing? They looked so apprehensive it was cute. "You have to be good for your mom."
"We are always good," they said, with a grin that would light up the Eastern Seaboard.
The drive home seemed a little lighter than usual, meeting Mary and the boys seemed to have lifted the gloom and Depression I had let myself fall into. I now had a reason to start living again.