He held me real tight for a long time. He was holdin' his face right next to mine and I felt water comin' from his eye on to my cheek. I knowed he was Seamus Flynn and I knowed all them stories about him. He was tough and not scared of nothin' but I didn't wonder at that water from his eyes. For a time like this, it was right.
Paco was lookin' at us, at first with surprise on his face and then you could see that he was some jealous. Flynn seen that and went and gave him a hug. I was still wantin' my daddy to hold me close but I was glad for Paco. Him bein' bad used most of his life, he deserved some huggin' and, anyway, I was thinkin' on him more and more like a brother. Seemed right for Flynn to hug him too.
Even after he wasn't holdin' me no more, I could still feel that huggin'. I had found me a daddy. It wasn't no red-headed cowboy feelin' or no playin' in your head daddy. It was a real takin' care of you, huggin' you, lovin' you daddy. A week ago I didn't have nothin' but a drunk whore who didn't care if I lived or died. Now I had me a daddy and almost like a brother. I had me the start of a real family.
When the huggin' was done, Flynn said, "Set your hats, boys. We've got a Judge to see."
I can't tell you why but when you're dressed fine, you feel different with folks. It ain't that you feel better than them and it ain't even that you feel just as good as them. It's more like you know who you are and you feel just as good as you are. Folks was all howdyin' Flynn and it come to me that I was proud that he was my daddy. But that just was. Didn't seem right to be too proud of somethin' you didn't have nothin' to do with. But I could be proud of me. In all them bad name-callin', horse-tank-dunkin', shit-baptisin', Mama cussin'-at-you times, I kept hold of my thinkin'. I never let them times make me somethin' I wasn't. Didn't matter what them damn Goodnight folks was sayin'. I was never a whore's bastard. I was Sam Martin. Now I'm Sam Flynn, dressed like a banker, feelin' like a king and holdin' my head up and walkin' proud beside my daddy and my brother.
Seemed like Flynn knowed everybody in Amarillo. He was howdyin' folks and shakin' their hands and funnin' them and askin' them, "How's Lizzy?", and such like. There was some folks Flynn didn't know. We seen a lot of them train folks. You seen some of them pointin' at Flynn and whisperin' to each other like they was sayin', "You know who that is? That's Seamus Flynn." Even I knowed it ain't right to point at folks but Flynn didn't take on. He would nod at them and smile and tip his hat and if them pointin' folks had a youngun, Flynn would pet them younguns' hair or chuck them under the chin. I knowed this before but I seen it again. Folks is real proud of you if you make over their younguns. I seen right off that Flynn knowed all the ways for makin' folks like him real good.
We seen that Jewish family. They done like all them other folks. They looked at us and went to whisperin' but they didn't point. The man come right up to Flynn and asked was he Seamus Flynn. Them Jewish boys' daddy and my daddy went to talkin' but I wasn't listenin'. I was payin' too much mind to how them boys was doin' me and Paco. You could tell they didn't know us. But when we seen them at the creek, they didn't know us but them boys was friendly, even was we naked and ratty lookin'. When they seen us the day before in Amarillo, wearin' nothin' but them bib overhall britches, they smiled and was friendly. But now they was actin' real shy like they wasn't supposed to talk to important folks like us.
Made me feel real funny. I liked havin' new clothes and I liked havin' Paco and mostly I liked havin' my daddy but I still wanted to be me. Even did I have a different name and a different look, I was the same person. I didn't know them boys good but I liked them. I wanted them to like me and it questioned me why just lookin' different should make so much difference.
But I didn't want to think on a question right then. I wanted to talk to them boys. I said to that biggest one, "I knowed it wasn't that lye soap that rotted that skin off you. Paco's smart. He just ain't been nowhere."
You should have seen his face. I thought his chin was gonna fall off him, his mouth come open so wide. He said to his brother, "Look close at these boys. Do you know who they are?"
That littler one looked at us real close. He couldn't think who we was. It was one of their sisters who said, "Aren't those the boys we saw yesterday who you said..." she laughed, "you know what?"
That littler one didn't say nothin'. He just went to gigglin'. I knowed younguns like him before. Once they get started gigglin', ain't no stoppin' them and ain't no way folks around them is gonna keep from gigglin' too. 'Fore long them three girls and all us boys was giggling. My belly was startin' to hurt and Flynn and them younguns mama and daddy was lookin' at us like we was all crazy. That bigger one said, "Papa, come look close at these boys. Do you know who they are?"
He come and looked at us real close. "Why, these are the boys from the creek. What happened to you?"
"Wasn't that damn lye soap," I said and we all started to giggle again. Paco was gigglin' so hard he had water runnin' down his face. Done me good to see him havin' so much fun. Done me good too to see Flynn lookin' all confused. I seen already that he was one for funnin' on folks and we was kind of funnin' on him now. Seemed like he wasn't sure was we laughin' at him or not.
Flynn and them younguns' daddy went back to talkin' and pretty soon Flynn laughed real hard and come over and hugged Paco. He didn't say nothin'. He just hugged Paco and went back to talkin' to them younguns' daddy.
Things was like they should be now. We was talkin' to them younguns and 'fore long, we was tellin' them how we come to be all cut and swolled. They acted some sad but they didn't make a big fuss over us. I liked that.
I was likin' them younguns real good and feelin' sad for them goin' to Santa Fe. But I didn't have to feel sad long. They told us that their Papa decided that Amarillo could use a dry goods store. There was several general stores but none that sold just dry goods. They was sayin' their Papa said, "No need to go on to Santa Fe when there's a good market right here in Amarillo."
What they was sayin' didn't make no sense to Paco. "What you talkin' about? Everybody sells dry stuff here, 'cept, o' course, when they're sellin' whiskey and such like. That's wet I reckon."
Nobody laughed, especially me. I didn't know what dry goods was either. Turned out they was cloth and clothes and blankets and stuff like that. Them younguns told us if a store sold just dry goods, there was more stuff to pick from than folks could keep in a general store. Somebody told them that Flynn owned an empty building and their Papa wanted to rent it from him. That's what they was talkin' about.
I reckon he done it 'cause I heard Flynn tell him where Billy's office was. Flynn said that Billy took care of all the details of the rentin' and things like that. Flynn told him, "We'll be out of our hotel room by eight o'clock in the morning. None of us Flynns have plans to come to Amarillo for more than a month so you're welcome to use our rooms in the hotel until you can find something more permanent. They might be a mite small for the seven of you but they will be more comfortable than that wagon."
Flynn and them Jewish boys' daddy shook hands and we walked off toward the courthouse. I was glad them younguns was stayin' in Amarillo. We didn't know them good but they was kind of like our friends, even them girls.
"Who was that man?" I asked as we walked on toward the courthouse.
"His name is Chaim Feldman. His family owns several big, what they call department stores in New York. He's not like most movers. He's a rich man. He's not moving on to look for a better life like most of those train folks. As far as good living goes, he left a much better life than he will have here for many years. But he said he wanted more for his children. Living in New York was like living in a ghetto in Poland. You couldn't think for yourself. You couldn't grow. He didn't want his children to be like his grandparents. He loved his grandparents but this was a new country with new ideas and new people. He wanted his children to get to know the country and the people. He said that probably made him a poor Jew but, he was sure, it made him a good father.
"I like him. He thinks like I do. I have never gotten to know a Jew well but I think Feldman and I are going to be friends. Some folks don't think well on Jews because they do some things differently. But then, I reckon I don't have to tell you anything about Jews. I hear you have them all figured out."
He looked at Paco and winked. Paco didn't get mad even though he knowed Flynn was funnin' him.
Flynn told us he would show us the building that Mr. Feldman had rented. He told us that the man who had it tried to run a general store but that he wasn't no kind of business man. "Feldman will make a go of it. He'll be good for this town."
Paco got that ornery grin on his face. "If them Jews is as smart as Mexicans, he'll do right good."
Flynn laughed and hugged Paco's head. "I'm sure glad I've come to know you, Paco. You are going to be a real joy to have around."
It looked to me like Paco growed a foot just then from bein' proud of what Flynn was sayin' to him.
Flynn showed us the building he rented to Mr. Feldman. "Do you own everything in this town?" I asked him.
"We don't own anything on the west end where Jigger beat on you boys. We've been talking for a long time about making another road that will go some south of those roughish saloons so folks won't be bothered when they're going on west. Most folks thought there was no need since those saloons are moving west and the trail stays south of the right-a-way to the west of here. We should have done it though. If we had, you boys wouldn't have been beat."
Flynn was mad. I knowed why. It was for what was done to Paco and me. I got that red-headed cowboy feelin' real strong from him bein' mad from us gettin' hurt.
Then, all at once, somethin' come in my head that surprised me so much, I stopped walkin'. I just stood there for a spell thinkin' on what come to me. That red-headed cowboy feelin' wasn't just no feelin'. That was love. All them years I been lovin' Flynn and I didn't know I was doin' it.
Flynn was one for talkin'. He was talkin' all the time I was thinkin' on what I told you. I caught somethin' about runnin' them rowdy kinds out of Amarillo but he reckoned even rowdy kinds had to be somewhere. All the talkin' he done, he didn't really answer my question. I still had the idea you didn't ask Seamus Flynn the same question twice. I had the feelin' that he'd tell you what he wanted you to know and, if he didn't tell you, it was none of your business. When I come to know him good, that wasn't the way he was at all, but for right now, he was still more Seamus Flynn to me than he was my daddy. It was hard not to, me bein' so full of them questions, but I didn't ask him nothin' more. We went into the courthouse.
Now, I got to tell you, I mostly ain't the scary kind. I'd get them scares when I thought about that damn shit house pit or from them red-headed cowboy or them Emma feelin's but them wasn't regular scares. Folks didn't scare me none. I didn't hardly think on La Nube Negra since I was eight, I reckon and I probably wasn't no more than eight when I hid under the bed from hearin' Seamus Flynn was comin' to town. I just wasn't the scary kind and I reckon Paco was the same way. But when we walked in that courtroom and seen that damn Jigger, I was scared. So was Paco. You could tell that from how he grabbed my arm and hung on like he was thinkin' I was gonna run off and leave him there alone with Jigger. I almost done the same thing to Flynn but then it come to me that you don't just grab Seamus Flynn. Even when I seen that Jigger had them chains on his hands and feet, I didn't feel no better. That son-a-bitch damn near killed me and Paco and I didn't like bein' nowhere near where he was.
Flynn seen what me and Paco was thinkin'. He put one arm around each of us and kind of hugged us to him. From how he was doin' us, you knowed he wasn't gonna let nothin' happen to us. Damn, I was lovin' that man. With Flynn holdin' me like that, my scare was gone. We walked right on up to the front row and set down. I reckon Jigger knowed we was there but he was lookin' at the floor. I was glad. Even did I know that Flynn was there, I felt better when that son-a-bitch wasn't lookin' at me.
I told you once that there was a whole lot of things I didn't know. But bein' around fancy town folks I was learnin' that I didn't know a hell of a lot more than I was thinkin'. Did you know that they got men who wear dresses in them courthouses? I never knowed that. But they do. I swear to God. After we was sittin' there for a spell a man come in there and said, "All raise." That "all raise" man wasn't the one in the dress. He had on regular clothes.
I never heard nobody say, "All raise," before and I didn't know what the hell he was talkin' about but Flynn and all them other folks stood up so me and Paco stood up too. That's when the man in the dress come in. It was long and black and it wasn't like no lady's dress I ever seen, but it sure as hell was a dress. I'd a died did I have to go to some damn Courthouse in a dress. I was thinkin' on laughin' at that dress but that man was big and he looked like if somebody funned on him for wearin' that dress, he'd beat the shit out of them. I didn't laugh. Nobody did.
The man in the dress set down at a big table and when he set down, so did everybody else. He wasn't lettin' on or nothin' but it felt like he was a king or somethin'. When he looked at me, felt like he was seein' right through to my backbone. Give me the shivers. I tried to hide behind Flynn.
The "all raise" man was talkin' again. "The Circuit Court of Potter County is in session. Judge Jasper T. Walton, presidin'."
I started to wish that "all raise" man would shut his damn mouth and let that man in the dress say somethin'. He didn't. He kept right on talkin'. "The case of the People versus Roscoe Jigdon. The prosecution and the defense are ready, your Honor."
The man in the dress looked around. Looked like he was finally going to get to talk. "I don't see any council. Who's representin' the defendant?"
Nobody said nothin'. Everybody was lookin' at Jigger but it looked like he didn't know what the hell a defendant was. I didn't know either until that all raise man told Jigger it was him.
Jigger just set there lookin' real mean. He knew that man in the dress was talkin' to him but he didn't say nothin'. Looked like he wasn't only mean. He was dumb too. Looked like he didn't know what representin' meant either. The man in the dress had to ask him, "Do you have a lawyer?"
"Hell no! I don't need no damn lawyer. The whole goddam town seen me do it. But, goddamit, Judge, I didn't figure it was no crime to beat on a whore's bastard and a damn stinkin' greaser pup."
Flynn's body got real stiff and his jaw went to workin' again. He was mad. Now that I knowed what that mad was from, it didn't scare me no more. Flynn was mad because he loved me and he didn't want nobody namin' on me. 'Stead of that mad scarin' me, it made me feel all soft and warm inside.
Flynn wasn't the only one who was mad. The man in the dress was damn near yellin'. "You curse in this court one more time and I'll add contempt to these assault charges."
Jigger looked like he was gonna say somethin' back to that man in the dress but, I reckon, he thought better of it. He just went to lookin' at the floor again.
"Who's presentin' the prosecution?" That was the man in the dress again.
That all raise man went to talkin' again. "Your Honor, Seth Davis is in Austin' visitin' his sick mother. Sheriff Linquest and Seamus Flynn will explain the charges."
The man in the dress looked at Flynn and you could tell by that look he was wantin' Flynn to say something. Flynn said, "Your Honor, if you take a good look at these boys, that's prosecution enough, isn't it?"
"Did you do that?" I was startin' to wonder if that man in the dress was very smart. Jigger just told him he done it.
Jigger was still bein' Jigger. "Don't you hear good? I just said I done it. What the hell is all this fuss about? They ain't nothin' but a wh...."
"Now, you just about called enough names on those boys and you have been disrespectful to this Court for the last time. I've seen you on Drunk and Disorderly, Disturbin' the Peace, Assault, and now I am holding you in Contempt.
"I am also accepting your guilty plea to this assault charge, two counts, and sentencing you to seven years on each count to be served consecutively. That means you'll serve at least ten years and, knowing you, probably all fourteen, but that will depend on how you behave at the prison at Austin. I'm also sentencing you to five years for Contempt, but I'll suspend that sentence if you behave good in Austin.
"Twenty years ago, before we had all these laws tellin' Judges what we can do, I could have hung you for doin' two little boys like you done. I probably would have. This town has put up with you enough. I've put up with you enough. Hear me good, Jigger. A contempt charge can be up to ten years. You already have one and I'll lift that suspension if you say another word and I'll slap another one on you. Now, get up and go with that deputy and keep your mouth shut!"
Jigger done it too.
I didn't know what all them words meant that that man in the dress was sayin' but I got the sense I wasn't gonna have to worry on Jigger none, at least 'til I was growed enough to kick his ass did he try somethin' on me again. Paco knowed what was happenin' too. He was learnin' that there was more folks than Flynn who cared what happened to him. He couldn't think why that man in the dress, who didn't even know him, was mad for how Jigger done a damn greaser pup. He had me who done him good and Flynn who done him good and now that man in the dress was doin' him good. He was about to cry.
That man in the dress hit that table with a hammer and stood up. When he done that, everybody else stood up. I knowed they was callin' him a judge but he sure as hell seemed like a king to me. I heard stories in school how if there was a king around, if he was standin', everybody had to stand.
That man in the dress started walkin' toward a door in the side of that room. While he was goin' toward that door, he was un-doin' that dress. He had regular clothes on under that damn thing. It's a damn wonder he didn't cook. The way them fancy folks is, he probably even had on that underwear. Fancy folks sure do some dumb things.
That judge, or king, or whatever the hell he was, was about to go out that door when Flynn said, "Jasper, I need to talk to you."
I was gettin' more and more mixed up. Was that man a judge or a king? If his name was Jasper, why was Flynn and all them people callin' him "Your Honor" and why the hell was he wearin' that dress?
He come over and shook hands with Flynn. "Good to see ya, Shay. How the hell are you?"
"Good to see you, Jasper. I'm fine. How's Mary?"
"She's in fine health. When I tell her I seen you, she'll be some upset if you don't come to dinner."
"I'd love to, Jasper, but I have some other pressing responsibilities. I'll have to disappoint her this time."
"I can't think what kind of pressing responsibilities a man of leisure like you would have. What is it, Bent-Y business, Army Business, State business...?
"It's family business and you're lookin' at it. Jasper, I'd like you to meet Sam and Paco. Sam was Amelia Martin's son. He's also my son."
When Flynn said that, I thought Paco's chin was gonna fall off. Even with them swolled eyes, they got almost as big as his mouth. He was too surprised to say nothin'.
"Well, if lookin' can tell you anything, he sure as hell is. Shay, if that boy's your son, why the hell did you let him live like he was livin' with Amelia?"
Flynn's body got stiff again. He was mad and he done that real slow, pickin-out-each-word-real-careful talkin' again. "I could never prove he was my son and you knew Amelia. She was so hateful toward me, she used the boy to spite me. But my brother, Sean, in San Francisco has found the doctor who helped Amelia with his birth. We've been looking for him for years but he had gone to be a missionary in China and just returned. All his records have been stored but he thinks he remembers Amelia and, when he gets to his records, can provide a Birth Certificate. In the mean time, I'd like you to make me his legal guardian."
"Jesus, Shay. I don't know. You're a good friend but why should I think you'd look out for the boy now after not payin' him any mind all these years? That ain't like you, Shay but any father who'd let his boy live like he..."
Now Flynn was real mad and he wasn't tryin' to hold on to it no more. "Goddam you, Jasper. You've been a friend of our family since you were appointed judge and moved out here from over around Austin. You knew all this. I asked you about it right after Amelia left the Bent-Y. You said I had no claim on him.
"You damn lawyers and judges go trampin' over people's lives like they're so much buffalo shit and when it comes out that you messed up like you did with Sam you're damn quick to blame someone else. I damn near went crazy trying to get that boy. Don't be puttin' the blame on me. I'm not a bad father. You're a goddam bad lawyer and judge. You folks are good at saying the law will protect you. Where the hell was the law when I needed help with Sam? I couldn't get anyone to do anything. Hell, I couldn't get anyone to even listen. If I'd taken the law into my own hands you'd have hung me or jailed me.
"Sam lived bad all those years because people like you didn't give a damn. I did everything I could think of to get that boy so don't go putting it on me because if you do, friend or no friend, judge or no judge, I'll knock you on your ass."
"Jesus, Shay. Cool down. Could be I told you that. I don't remember and I reckon I was out of line sayin' what I did about you lettin' Sam here live bad. But if I said them things years ago, why the hell didn't you keep after me? You should have seen I've changed my thinkin' some over the years."
"Please, Jasper. I'm still damn Irish. I like you. You're one of my best friends but don't push this. This has been in my craw for ten years. For the record, I didn't push you on it because I stopped trusting you people when it comes to caring about the welfare of children. If I'd have pushed you and been turned down again, I probably would have killed you."
"Shay, this ain't like you. Everybody who knows you, knows about your Irish temper but I never seen you like this before. What the hell is wrong with you?"
"Sam is my son - my flesh and blood. That's what the hell is wrong with me. But even if he wasn't my son, he's a human being. He's a little boy, Jasper, a child. A helpless child who needs looked after and cared about.
"Shit, it's no use talking to you. For some damn reason, you put one of those damn robes on a man, he forgets everything he ever knew about love and compassion. A man who doesn't know anything about compassion could never understand what I've been going through."
"Shay, you ain't bein' fair. You've got to apply the law with your head, not your heart. Just 'cause a man makes a hard decision, don't mean he ain't got no compassion. I've got compassion, Shay, but you can't run a country on compassion. You got to run it on law and the law can't make everything right for every unfortunate youngun. It just can't. Be fair, Shay."
"But the law could make it right for some of them. It could have made it right for Sam. Be fair? - - Bull shit, Jasper. You want to talk fair? I'll talk fair. Sam lived in shit and I lived in hell for ten years. That's your kind of fair."
"Shay, your daddy was my best friend. Our families have been tied together since you came to Texas, long before me and Mary and Billy moved out here. My boy, Billy, manages all your interests here in Amarillo. You are his best friend and one of my best friends. You can't have cared that much about the boy if you didn't even ask your best friends. Dammit, Shay, you're more than a friend. I love you like a son, but, we're still in my courtroom and I'm still a judge. Even if court ain't in session, you're pushin' contempt."
"Sure, you mess up and then threaten me with the law for pointing it out to you. Cite me for contempt. You'd be goddam right. For ten years contempt is all I've had for you goddam people who run this system. And you're right. You and Billy are my friends. That's the main reason I never discussed Sam with you. I didn't have my son and I needed friends. If a man disappoints you on something like this, you hate him and I didn't want to hate you, Jasper.
"My God, Shay. You're a respected state senator. You make the laws.
"I've got no problem with the law. I have contempt for people like you, people who have forgotten that laws don't have morality. It's the people who enforce them who have morality, or who don't have it. But then, you never have to face up to what you've done. You can always say, 'I was just enforcing the law' and when it comes to children, the law is whatever the hell you cold-hearted bastards want to make it.
"Well, that's just not the way it is. You can't excuse yourself for the injustices that occur. You took the damn job. You have to accept the responsibility. Laws are just things. They aren't good or bad. What people like you do with them, that's where morality comes in."
"Shay, I made a mistake ten years ago. Since we're talking about it, it's comin' back to me. But them were different times, Shay. Legal thinking on younguns has changed since then. I could have done different back then. But it's over, Shay. We can't change the past. Think what you're sayin', man. You're not makin' sense."
"He is my son, goddamit. It will never be over. I think I'm making perfect sense but even if I'm not, I have ten years worth of right not to make sense."
"Come-on, Shay....."
"Just leave it go, Jasper. Just leave it go. I'm not going to change my way of thinking and neither are you. But think about this. What if it was Billy living like Sam had to - or Billy's boy, your grandson, Little Jasper?"
"Shay, I....."
"Don't say anything, please, Jasper. Just think about what I said. Maybe, just maybe you'll begin to understand my anger."
"Shay, let's start this whole thing over. What do you want me to do about the boy?"
"I want you to make me his legal guardian until we get the proof we need from Sean. If Sean can't provide enough proof to satisfy the court, I want to adopt him. I also want to adopt Paco here but I don't know his last name or if he has any living kin."
Paco about lost his chin again.
Flynn went on talkin'. "Sam also needs a trustee for his money. Amelia had a leather bag that she kept in a hole behind her chimney. I tried to get her to put it in the bank, but you knew Amelia..."
The Judge broke in. "I knew Amelia, all right. Damn fool woman! Oh, sorry boy. I forgot for a minute she was your mama."
"Don't think nothin' on it," I said. "She forgot she was my mama a long time ago and I got so I didn't think much on it myself."
"Jasper," Flynn said, "She had seventy-five thousand dollars in gold and paper and draughts in that bag. It belongs to Sam but he's only eleven years old. Sean's his trustee in San Francisco. You can see that he needs a trustee here."
"I'll do it, Shay. You're Sam's trustee and guardian." The Judge looked at Paco. "What's your name, boy?"
"Paco."
"You got any more name than that?"
"None that I ever knowed."
"Tell me what you can remember about yourself."
Paco told him about that wide-awake-dreamin' mama and papa. He told about the noise and the fire and the Comancheros and Weir. He told about the mule skinner and Vox and the Indians but he left out the part about us talkin' Vox into goin' to them Indians.
"What made you think those people who took you were Comancheros?" the Judge wondered. "Comancheros were mostly in this part of Texas and they've went when the Comanche went, nearly twenty years ago. I'd remember a raid that you could have been took in. There ain't been none."
"Them Indians was tellin' me stories about Comancheros and they sounded like them people."
"Probably was border bandits. They worked like Comancheros. Killed everything they couldn't sell or ......" He looked at me and Paco and didn't finish what he was gonna say.
He looked at Flynn. "Sounds like an orphan to me, Shay. You're guardian for both of them but we'll have to do some lookin' about Paco, here, to see if he's got any folks before I can let you adopt him."
That Judge looked at Flynn. His eyes had water in them and his face showed that he was hurtin'. Not a cut or a bump on the head kind of hurtin', but that feelin' in your chest that's like you got a forty pound rock in there kind of hurtin' from bein' sad.
"Shay, I hold you a dear friend. I don't want any hard feelings between us."
"Jasper, I've been carrying those feelings in me for ten years. What I said was true. People in your business don't care about children. You can say all you want about law. If you cared you'd see that the laws were changed so that children wouldn't be done like Sam has been.
"I hold your friendship dear, too. Yours and Mary's. I'm sorry I unloaded all my anger at the system on you. I want you for a friend but I stand by what I said."
Flynn and that judge just looked at each other for a spell. After while the judge put out his hand and Flynn took it but they didn't shake. Seemed like they both took a idea at the same time. They dropped them hands and wrapped their arms around each other. They was huggin'. They was good friends who had had a fight. They was makin' up.
The Judge looked at me and Paco. "Reckon we should have had our words out of the hearin' of these boys."
"No, Jasper, I want Sam to know how much I love him, how hard I tried to help him. And I want Paco to know that he's worth every bit as much to me as an old friendship."
The Judge got a big smile on his face. "Reckon you're right. Jesus, Shay, you're gettin' you a family damn fast. You're gonna shock the whole damn state of Texas one of these days and up and marry somebody. Them boys gonna need a mama."
I didn't understand everything I seen and heard with Flynn and that Judge but somehow I knowed I learned somethin' important. I didn't know what it was but I was gonna think on it. I seen two men who seen things real different and felt real strong on how they seen them. I seen them say some hard things and come away still friends. There had to be somethin' to learn in that.
Me and Paco and Flynn went out into the street.
It come to me that I was hungry. Me and Paco slept way past breakfast then we had to come to this courthouse so we didn't have no time to eat no noonin'. I knowed Flynn was my daddy but I never had no daddy before. Do you just say to your daddy, "I'm hungry. Get me something to eat," or do you wait until he thinks of it hisself?
As it turned out, Paco took care of the problem. He said to me, "Let's go down to that livery and get some of them beans and jerky from them saddle bags. We can build us a fire back of that hotel where that fat señora bathed us. I been hungrier than this before, but them times I didn't have no saddle bag full of found. Damn silly, we got all that found and us standin' here starvin' to death. Flynn, you want some? I cook good beans, ain't I, Sam?"
I was about to say he did when Flynn said, "I reckon if I'm going to have me two boys, I'm going to have to think about looking out for them. Sorry. I just plain forgot you boys slept through breakfast. We'll get some steaks over to the Continental."
I had me some steaks once when that storekeeper's woman asked me to stay for supper and I liked it real good. Mostly, I didn't eat steak. Like I said, my mama sure as hell didn't buy me none and I never earned enough from chorin' to get me no steak.
I got to thinkin' how my mama done, havin' all that money in that poke behind the chimney and never gettin' me nothin' to eat. The way Flynn talked, seventy-five thousand dollars was probably enough to buy a steak or two. Damn her. That number - seventy-five thousand - didn't mean nothin' to me. I just knew from the way my daddy was talkin' about it, it was a lot of money and her just leavin' it lay there in that old leather poke. I was thinkin' it but before I knowed it, I was sayin' it. "What was the matter with my mama, Daddy? Why did she have all that money and live like a rat in that old tumble-down cabin? Why didn't she buy me no clothes and food? What the hell was wrong with her?"
Callin' him "Daddy" just come out my mouth. It had come to me off and on when we was in that courthouse that he was my daddy, 'specially when he was talkin' to that judge. But he never told me I could call him daddy. Reckon if I'd have thought about it, I would have called him Flynn.
When it come to me what I done, I looked up real quick to see how he took it. He was just lookin' at me with that water in his eyes.
He give me a quick hug and said, "She just got used to having whatever she wanted. I told you that your grandpa doted on her. When he got all that gold, he gave her anything she wanted. He even gave her stock in his mining company. She sold those stocks and that's where all that money in that poke came from.
"She got to where she could only think of herself. After her daddy died, she had the money so she kept giving herself anything she wanted. Even after she come to be your mama she could think only about her. It turned out that what she wanted most, was what ruined her. She wanted whiskey and she took all she wanted. Folks took to not liking her because she was so selfish and then because she was a drunk. I think she did that whoring just to spite decent folks.
"I know she kept the money in the cabin' because I was after her to put it in the bank. Why she didn't spend any of it, I don't know. Maybe she thought she'd straighten up and then she'd need it. Probably, she was so drunk most of the time, she forgot she had it.
"Sam, you need to think about that. You're going to have enough money when you're grown to get yourself anything you want. You'd better be learning to want the right things."
It come to me that he was teachin' at me. I reckon that's something a daddy ought to do for his boy. While I was thinkin' that, it come to me again real strong that I loved him.
"Seems to me that I heard some talk about eatin' steak or was that just some dream like that come to a skinny greaser boy who's out of his head with the hungries?"
Daddy laughed. "Sorry, Paco. I reckon we can talk and eat at the same time."
We followed Daddy into this store that was all full of tables that were covered with white cloths. That store-keeper's woman put them cloths on her table and put the dishes right on top of them cloths. It was the middle of the afternoon and there wasn't nobody else in that store and I reckon Paco never seen nothin' like that. He said, "This place is all closed up. They got covers over everything."
"Those are table cloths, son."
My daddy callin' him "son" done somethin' to Paco. He looked up at my daddy and he had water in his eyes. "Are we really gonna live with you, Flynn?"
"If you want to."
"Hell yes, I want to. Don't you, Sam?"
"More than anything, I reckon. Anyway, I got to. He's my daddy. Reckon I'll just have to get used to livin' in that fancy house and eatin' them steaks and sleepin' on them soft beds. Ain't sure I can stand it. Only comfort I got is knowin' you have to do it too, Paco."
My daddy knew I was funnin' him and he said, "Lord, boy, I sure don't want to make life a burden for you. I can let you roll out your new bed rolls in the cook shack. Of course, you'll have to get up at three in the morning. That's when the cook starts breakfast."
Paco said, "Sam can sleep in the cook shack if he wants to and as much as he's my friend, I ain't sleepin' there with him. I'm sleepin' in them soft beds. They kind of hug you right down into them. I ain't never floated on no cloud but I think that's how it feels. I like that fine."
Our daddy smiled real big. "Looks like you boys both have decided to live on the Bent-Y. I left the Bent-Y thinking, 'Now, I'll finally have my son with me.' But it looks like my luck's changing. I found two fine boys for sons. Maybe I'll stay lucky and find a fine woman for a wife. How would you boys like to have a mama?"
Paco liked the idea real good. It didn't do much for me. I had one. Wasn't nothin' to brag on.
I ain't never seen no dinner like that. I had some fine dinners at that storekeeper's house but never nothin' like this one. We had them steaks and some taders and some greens and we was drinkin' that cold buttermilk and eatin' them biscuits. Lord, have mercy!
While we was eatin', Paco needed to get some things straight in his head. "What did you tell that man in the dress about 'dopt me and if he ain't your boy, Sam?"
"Well, first of all, there's no question that Sam is my blood son. Like I told Jasper, we lost track of the doctor who helped Sam's mama when he was born, but he's back in San Francisco now. If what Sean heard is right, that's all the proof we'll need.
"It really doesn't make any difference though. I know Sam's my son and he knows I'm his daddy. If that Doctor hasn't got the proof we need, I'll just get Jasper to say I'm Sam's daddy. That's called adoption. When Jasper or some other judge says that I'm your daddy, Paco, you'll be my son, just like Sam."
"And then we won't just be friends. We'll be real brothers." I said that because even though I was already thinkin' on Paco like a brother, I liked the idea of havin' him for a real brother.
Paco got real quiet for a long time. He got a scared look on his face and water in his eyes. "There's some things I didn't tell that man in the dress. When you know them things, I reckon you won't want me for no son. When I was livin' with them Comancheros or whatever the hell they was, and with Weir and with Vox I done some real bad things. I stealed things for Weir and I lied and sassed back to Vox a whole lot of times. Mostly I never done what he said to do. Vox was always tellin' me that God said in a big black book that younguns was s'posed to do what them growed folks said. Since I never done that, God is gonna kill me one of these days. That's what Vox was tellin' me. Don't reckon you want no son that's gonna get killed by God any day now.
"I done some other bad things that I'm too 'shamed to even tell you. I reckon somebody that bad don't belong with fancy folks like you." When Paco was sayin' that, that water in his eyes started runnin' down his face.
Flynn looked disgusted. "Paco, Vox didn't know what he was talking about. It doesn't say that in the Bible. God isn't going to kill you. What Weir made you do made Weir bad, not you. The way Vox treated you, you had no reason to try to please him. The Bible does say that children should obey their parents, that's their mama and daddy, but it also says that parents are supposed to love their children. It's easy to obey someone who loves you. It's hard to obey someone who treats you bad."
"What's obey?"
"Doing what they say.
"I just can't believe the way some folks treat children. Both of you boys have had hard lives, but we're going to change that. Paco, everyone does things that are wrong sometimes." Daddy looked at me and winked. "I wouldn't be surprised if even Sam, here, misbehaved once in a while."
I knowed he was funnin' me and I funned back. I got a real surprised look on my face and said, "Me?"
My daddy reached over and petted my hair and said, "Yes, you, you little dickens." He went back to talkin' to Paco. "Paco, you're going to be my son just like Sam. We'll get you some schooling to go with that fine thinking you have. When you're grown, just like Sam, you'll have enough money to get whatever you want. Did you hear me tell Sam he'd better be learning to want the right things?"
"I heard."
"Well, son, you have to be learning that too. But first you have to learn that you are good. You're smart and you're a fine boy. What Weir and Vox made you do made them bad, not you. Do you understand that, son?"
"I'm tryin'. It's hard to think on yourself one way since you been borned and then, all of a sudden, start thinkin' different. Flynn?"
"Yes?"
"If you are gonna 'dopt me, can I call you Daddy too?"
Water come to my daddy's eyes again. "It would make me real proud if you did that."
Paco looked at me. "Sam, how do you figure all this come about? Do you remember me tellin' you that some people was just born to die and you and me was some of them?"
"I remember."
"Well, that sure as hell was bull shit, wasn't it? We're real folks, ain't we?"
"We're real folks, Paco and damn lucky our daddy found us and is gonna take care of us."