What you s'posed to say when someone says something like that? I wanted it to be true. God, I wanted it to be true more than I wanted anything in my life. I already told you that I played in my head that he was my daddy but I knowed he couldn't be and I couldn't think why he'd be tellin' me that. Seemed a mean thing to do, but then, I reckon he didn't know about that big red-headed cowboy feelin' I had.
I knowed he couldn't be my daddy 'cause all the daddies I knowed was married to the mamas of their younguns. Flynn wasn't married to my mama. He told me that hisself.
I think them ladies just had them babies when they got ready to. I think they had to eat some special recipe or somethin' to get them babies started. When them babies come, if them mamas was married them babies had a daddy. If they wasn't, them babies was bastards like me.
I looked at the picture for a long time and then I looked at him. "How can you be my daddy when you wasn't married to my mama?"
"Don't you know how babies get started, Sam?"
"Sure I do. Them ladies eat some special recipe. I heard some talk about it comin' from what my mama done when she was whorin' but that can't be. My mama whored more that a thousand times, I reckon, and she only had one baby, me, not a thousand. Babies can't come from whorin'."
"Well, they do. Doesn't that picture tell you something? You thought that was a picture of you. You've seen boys who look like their daddies, haven't you? Well, what do you think?"
"Flynn, I'd be proud if you was my daddy. When I was little and you brung me things and rode me on your horse, I played in my head that you was my daddy. But I can't figure. If babies come from whorin', with all that whorin' my mama done, why didn't she have no more babies?"
"It don't make a baby every time. Only certain times of the month. Besides, your mama knew ways to clean herself out and there were times I took her to Santa Fe to an old Mexican woman who knew how to take them if a baby got started. You probably didn't even know she was gone. I know there were a lot of times you didn't see your mama for a week. Your mama didn't need any more babies. She didn't hardly take care of you.
"Sam, I can't tell you how sorry I am for how you've had to live. I know it doesn't change things but I never stopped trying to get you back to the Bent-Y. Early on I talked to lawyers and judges but I found out that those folks don't care about younguns. I couldn't believe how little folks cared about younguns that weren't their own. And, folks couldn't understand why I'd get so angry when nobody seemed to care about you but me. I was told more than once, 'Hell, man, that woman's a whore and that boy's a whore's boy. Ain't nobody to worry about.
"'God only knows who that boy's daddy is. You got no claim on him. Don't make no difference what she is, a youngun needs his mama.'
"But I knew you were mine. Your mama wasn't whoring in San Francisco. We were in love and she told me I was your daddy. I believed her. She was drinking some then but the whiskey hadn't taken over her then. After she'd straightened up some and while she was living at the Bent-Y she would bring you to me and say to you, 'Go see your daddy', when she gave you to me to hold.
"She was a good mama then, Sam. She loved you. She loved me." When Flynn said that, he looked off kind of distant and you could tell what he was thinkin' was hurtin' him.
He started tellin' me again. "But she went back to the bottle and left the Bent-Y and took you with her. She wouldn't let me take you back. I'd come to see you often. I think you can remember some of those times. As you grew, you began to look more and more like my childhood pictures. There was no question that I was your daddy.
"It broke my heart, loving you like I did and seeing how she had you living. I begged and begged her but once that whiskey took over her, she wanted to spite me. As you got older, I reckon you reminded her of me and so she wanted to spite you too. She didn't want you to have the kind of life I could give you on the Bent-Y because she knew that's what I wanted for you. It seemed her only reason to stay alive was to spite me. She knew the only way she could get to me was through you. She sent you to that orphanage to spite me. She knew my temper. I think she wanted to make me kill her.
"You said you thought she was fixing it so she'd get killed. I think you're right and I think she wanted me to do it. She knew the law would do to me what she couldn't. She hated me enough to want me dead.
"You see Sam, she remembered how her daddy treated her like a princess. She wanted that feeling again. But she was no longer a child. Much of what she'd become, she'd done to herself. Only she could change that. I couldn't make everything all right. I couldn't make her life what it was. She took to believing that I wouldn't. She came to believe that I was spiting her; that her troubles and her drinking were all my fault. Her daddy could always make everything all right. Why didn't I? She came to hate me because I couldn't make her life what it was when she was a child."
Flynn was still talkin'. It seemed important to him that I knowed how hard he tried to get me a better life. I also seen it hurt him to talk about my mama. It come to me that she hated him but that he was some like me. He had tried to give part of hisself to her and she didn't want it. It come to me that Flynn was hurtin' real bad from that.
I knowed he was tryin' to tell me how sorry he was for how I had to live and I knowed I should be listenin' to him but I couldn't keep my thinkin' on what he was sayin'. My thinkin' kept goin' back to him sayin' he was my daddy and that he loved me.
He loved me. That big red-headed cowboy who give me them feelin's was tellin' me he was my daddy and that he loved me.
I could feel water runnin' out of my eyes. I didn't even care if Flynn seen it. Wasn't no use me tryin' to hide my feelin's. They was too big right then. There was no way to hide them. I wanted to go to him and have him hold me close like he done on that horse and when he was carryin' me to this room. I wanted to hug him and call him, "Daddy." I knowed I could. I seen that he wanted me to but it was like my ass was stuck fast to that damn bed. I was havin' all them feelin's but, I reckon, I was havin' a bigger scare. I didn't know how to have no daddy. I didn't even know how to have somebody love me.
My thinkin' was all mixed up. It was like them times when you're tryin' to think of how the sky ain't got no start and no end like them teachers was sayin'. You can't think out somethin' that's got no start and no end. It feels like them thinkin's is tryin' to break your head open. It makes your belly kind of sick.
That's what my feelin's and my scare was doin' to me now. I wanted to stop thinkin' of anything but I knowed I couldn't. I'd tried it. You just can't have nothin' in your head.
I could hear Flynn still talkin' but I wasn't hearin' good what he was sayin'. I remember hearin' him say somethin' about that damn preacher man and him havin' a Irish temper but I didn't know what he was sayin' about them things. All I could think of was him tellin' me he was my daddy and that he loved me.
I heard a lot of talk about love but I didn't know nothin' about it. Somehow, I knowed it was somethin' I wanted and Flynn was sayin' he was givin' it to me. Why couldn't I take it? Why wasn't I sure he was my daddy? Why was my thinkin' about to bust open my head? From the way my head and belly was feelin', I thought I was gonna puke. I had to change my thinkin'. I knowed the only way to keep my head from bustin' was to try to think on somethin' else.
I asked a question. I didn't know if it went with what he was sayin' or not but it didn't matter. It would get me thinkin' about somethin' besides daddies and love.
"Why was you and my mama yellin' at each other all the time?"
"We were fighting about you. I'd come to see how you were and try to get your mama to straighten out, but it was no use. I'm sure you noticed that I didn't come as much in the last few years. I couldn't stand to see what was happenin' to you and I couldn't do anything about it. I wasn't used to that. Mostly, I got anything I went after. I couldn't understand how folks, especially the law, could be so thoughtless and unfeeling about another human being, especially a child. I became angry that nobody understood or cared about my love for you.
"My mind started to play tricks on me. I started to think that any way to get you out of that mess was justified. I couldn't think straight. Laws and the way most folks did things didn't mean anything to me. You and your happiness was all that mattered to me. The idea of killing your mama made more and more sense to me. It began to seem right. I began to feel that if I didn't do it, I was failing you.
"My brothers saw what was happening to me. They helped me see things right but my feelings for you were so strong and helpless, I was still afraid I might do what she wanted me to do. I was afraid I might shoot her. If I would have done that, I would have been hung and you would have had no daddy or mama. My people would have taken care of you but I didn't want that for you. It broke my heart, but I stayed away.
"I love you, Sam, and I wanted to be your daddy. It was that more than anything else that kept me from shooting your mama. I couldn't be your daddy if I was dead. So, I waited and hoped and even said some prayers. Now, I have my chance. If you'll let me, I can be your daddy."
"Flynn, I want like hell for you to be my daddy but I got to think on it. It all come too fast. In your thinkin' you can't have no daddy all your life and then, just like that, have one. Seems like it takes some time to change your thinkin'. In my head your my daddy, but in my thinkin' and feelin', I ain't sure. Does that make you mad at me?"
"No, it doesn't make me mad. It makes me love you more. You always did make me proud by the way you thought things out, even when you were real small. You always wanting to think things out - that's the boy I've had in my mind, the boy I've loved for eleven years.
"But, Sam, some things can't be thought out. Some things don't come to you through your head. They come to you through your heart, I reckon. Love is one of those things. I want you to take all the time you need but I also want you to know that you can't think out love. You have to feel love. You have to just let it happen."
Made me some relaxed that Flynn wasn't pushin' me. I still didn't know if I was gonna bust out cryin' but my head didn't feel quite so much like it was gonna bust. He was givin' me time and the things he told me and how he was doin' me, you know, goin' slow, lettin' me have time and such was givin' me that red-headed cowboy feelin' real strong. It was like with Paco. I was some mad at me for not bein' able to let Flynn see my feelin's.
I changed the subject. "Flynn, how did you know about the money?"
"That's a long story and you've been through some things. You need to get some sleep. Can that story wait until morning?"
"I ain't gonna get to sleep right now. There's too much goin' on in my head. I'm sleepful, but I know me. If we don't talk some more, I'll be thinkin' on them questions all night."
"Your mama had that money since she was a little girl. You know that she was a stubborn woman. I tried to get her to put that money in a bank but she wouldn't do it, probably because I asked her to. It could be that havin' it close to her made her remember those better times for her. From the way you were living, she never spent any of it. She sure as hell never spent any on you." You could tell he was real mad when he said that.
"I don't know how much she had in that bag but there is a great deal more in the banks in San Francisco. Your Granddaddy Martin died just before you were born. He knew what your mama had become. He didn't trust her so he left all his money to any heir your mama might have. What's in that bag is what your Granddaddy gave her before she turned bad.
"Sam, you're your mama's heir. All that money in that bag and that money in San Francisco will be yours when you're grown. When your Granddaddy died, he left my daddy in charge of your money. He was what the law calls your executor. My daddy is dead now too so my brother Sean is in charge of your money. I don't know how much there is, but you're a rich young man. What's in that bag is nothing compared to what you have in San Francisco. Is that bag in a safe place?"
I hadn't thought of that poke or my gun until right now. I seen my gun lyin' on that table with all them drawers in it so I figured Flynn must have picked it up for me. "The poke's in the right saddle bag on that buckskin."
When I think back on it now, I wonder that him tellin' me that I was rich didn't mean nothin' to me then. I only knowed one way to live and I thought I was doin' it good. I never thought of myself as bein' poor. Range livin', bare-assed younguns like Paco was poor. Somehow, to me, havin' money or not havin' money wasn't what made you rich or poor.
Flynn yelled into that hole in the wall again and pretty soon some man I never seen before come to the door. Flynn told him to go to the livery and get that poke and bring it to the room.
It come to me when that strange man come in the room that, since that Chinaman took our britches, I was naked as a jay bird but I reckon that made no never mind. I'd been talkin' to Flynn for about a hour and never thought nothin' of it. The sheriff didn't act like nothin' wasn't the way it was s'posed to be and that man Flynn sent for that poke didn't act like he even noticed. Reckon folks was used to bare assed younguns in Texas.
I was layin' on Flynn's bed and gettin' more and more sleepful. Sometimes I'd kind of wake up and get to thinkin' on what Flynn had told me but I tried not to. It wasn't that I didn't like what he said. He told me he was my daddy and that he loved me. Seem like you couldn't hear nothin' better than that. But if I thought on it, my head went to tryin' to break and my belly got funny and anyway, Flynn said you couldn't think out love. You had to feel it. I was tryin' to do what he said. I sure as hell was feelin' somethin' but I didn't know if it was love. When you don't know nothin' about love, you can't tell nothin'. I liked that feelin', though. I was hopin' it was love.
But I was mostly dozin' off. Them questions about daddies and love that would have kept me awake wasn't as strong as my weak, I reckon. I ain't never been pistol whipped before and I can't remember losin' that much blood so it must have been them things that was makin' me so sleepful. Mad as I was at that damn Jigger, it come to me that it was his pistol whippin' and my bleedin' that was puttin' the sleepys on me. I even felt kind of thankful to that son-a-bitch. I wasn't havin' to think on daddies and love.
I reckon I must have been sleepin' more than I thought 'cause seemed like he no sooner left than that man was back with that poke. Flynn took it and poured out what was in it on the table. "Is this all of it?" he asked me.
I heard him ask it the first time but I couldn't think what he was sayin'. He had to ask me again. It took some doin' to get my head to workin' and my eyes to see good but I looked over and said real sleepy-like, "Reckon so," and lay back down.
I heard that man laugh and say, "That boy's so near sleepin', he couldn't tell if there was a herd of buffalo and a tribe of Indians on that damn table."
Flynn laughed. "Might be there's only money on that table, Billy, but it looks like enough to buy both of them things. That's a goddam lot of money."
Billy said, "I don't reckon them saddle bags was went through, Shay. They didn't look bothered and as much money as there is there, can't be nobody was at them. They sure as hell wouldn't have left that much?"
"Flynn asked, "How much you reckon is there, Billy."
"Just by lookin' at what's layin' on top, I can see twenty thousand dollars. What the hell was them boys doin' with all that money?"
"It's a long story. I reckon the best way to say it is, some things is Bent-Y business and some things is Flynn business, Billy. This is Flynn business and it's hard for me to talk about."
Sleepy as I was, I could tell that anything that was Bent- Y business, was Billy's business. What was Flynn business, wasn't. Billy didn't ask no more questions.
Flynn said, "Count that out and put it in the safe. Don't let that damn desk clerk know what you're doin'. Does he know the combination?"
"Only me and the day clerk knows it."
"Good, but still don't talk it around. Folks in this town don't need to know there's this much money around."
Sleepy as I was, it come to me that I should have been more careful with that poke.
The next thing I knowed, Billy was gone and I was being carried to Paco's bed. Flynn put me down and then he done the goddamdest thing. He bent down and kissed me on the forehead. I was too asleep to say nothin' but not too asleep to feel real happy and real good inside. That place where he kissed me felt like it was burnin'. I can't remember anybody ever doin' that to me before. I rolled over and cuddled up to Paco. His back and his legs felt good on my belly and the rest of my front. It wasn't so much that I was cold. It was knowin' someone was there and that that someone was Paco. That place on my forehead was still burnin' when I went to sleep.
Sometime in the night I woke up from hearin' Paco sayin', "Sam?"
"Ya, Paco?"
"We gonna be friends for always, ain't we?"
"We're gonna be friends for always, Paco."
In my dream that night, Flynn was my daddy and Paco was my brother and we had a mama but I couldn't tell who she was. She was awful nice to Paco and me and she didn't drink whiskey and she didn't whore with nobody but, I reckon, Flynn when they went in their bedroom and closed the door. When they opened the door, there was a baby there. Best dream I ever had.
I had a awful time comin' awake in the mornin'. Mostly my cot was real hard and I was always some sore from layin' on it all night. A whole lot of nights, I was cold or I wasn't sleepin' too good from my mama havin' them drunks in her little whorin' room. But this mornin' I was warm and all cozy in that soft mattress and from bein' close to Paco.
Reckon it was Paco bein' there that finally made me come awake. When you ain't used to havin' someone else in your bed, kind of makes you jump when it comes to you there's someone there.
Paco was still sleepin' but you could tell, he looked a sight. Even with his eyes closed, you could tell they was all black and his face was all puffy. I got out of bed and looked in the mirror. I looked good a'side of Paco. There was some blood on the bandage the doctor put on my cut and my face was some swoled where that damn Jigger had pistol whipped me but my eyes wasn't black and I mostly looked like me. I kept on lookin' but I wasn't lookin' at where I was swoled. I reckon I did look some like Flynn. I woke up thinkin' and feelin' more like he was my daddy but I still couldn't tell if I really thought that he was or if I just wanted him to be real bad.
I went back to the bed. I was gonna lay back down 'cause I was still some tired and I was thinkin' on how good that bed felt. When I looked at Paco again, though, I got all mad. I thought about goin' into Flynn's room and gettin' my gun and goin' down to the jail and killin' that damn Jigger. I reckon I knowed I wouldn't but it got me to thinkin' how I'd come to feel so strong for Paco so soon. I hear tell that people in the same family love each other. Was what I was feelin' for Paco love? Was what I was feelin' for Flynn love?
I used to think a lot on love. I didn't know for sure what it was but I knowed I didn't love my mama and I knowed for damn sure that she didn't love me. I used to wonder if them Emma feelin's and them red-headed cowboy feelin's was love. Did I love Emma? Did I love Flynn? Was what I was feelin' for Paco love like folks with families felt for their brother?
Whatever I was feelin' for Paco, it made me damn mad when I thought about that damn Jigger beatin' on Paco and callin' him a greaser. Like I said, I reckon I knowed I wasn't gonna shoot Jigger; but when it come to me that I didn't have no britches, I knowed for damn sure that I wasn't goin' no place.
Paco must have been plumb wore out from that beatin'. I laid back down and even with me movin' around like that, he was still sleepin'. I was wishin' Flynn could come in with some britches 'cause I seen I wasn't goin' back to sleep and I was gettin' bored from just layin' there.
Pretty soon Paco started actin' like he was havin' a bad dream. He was moanin' and talkin' and rollin' around. I couldn't tell what he was sayin' but he set me thinkin' about them real sad looks he gets on his face. I got to thinkin' he even had them bad feelin's in his sleep. Made me want to cry for him. When he was done with his bad dream, he slept quiet for a while again. Finally he woke up.
He opened his eyes and looked at me. His face was swoled all over and his eyes was just little slits. I wasn't even sure he could see me. He looked like he didn't know where he was and then, even with his face so swoled, you could see a change come over it when it come to him where he was. Swoled face or no, here come that ornery grin. I knowed he was gonna do some funnin'.
"What's manners in these towns when you wake up in a real fancy, soft bed that's so clean it smells like outdoors after a rain, and you're in a fancy hotel and some Chinaman's got your britches and you got to piss?"
I couldn't help but laugh at that. I knowed he was funnin' me about them manners and all them things I told him not to do around town folks.
I got on my knees and looked under the bed. There was a pot under there and I pulled it out. "You piss in this."
"Now, Sam, don't you be takin' up for these town folks. They got to be dumber than Vox. Even Vox never pissed in no dishes."
"That ain't no dish. That's a shit pot. Remember I told you that I had to empty them shit pots at that orphanage? Well, this is one."
"Goddam, Sam, these town folks shit in better pot than I eat out of."
"I got me this feelin' that things is gonna change for us damn fast. Me and Flynn talked last night. There must have been a hell of a lot of money in that poke. So much that Flynn didn't want it layin' around. He had it put in the safe downstairs." I thought that was enough to tell him for now.
"You think he'll give us that money back or will he steal it? He's a gunfighter you know."
"He's more a rancher than a gunfighter and he's got enough money of his own. He'll give it back. Don't worry none on that."
"Well, I hope he does but I got to tell you I got a bigger problem than that right now. He better be out lookin' for some damn Chinaman to shoot. I don't see them new britches of mine and now I got to shit."
"You can shit in that pot."
"Goddam, Sam. I ain't shittin' in no house. It ain't fittin'."
"Shit in that pot, Paco. They got folks to carry it out and wash up them pots."
Paco done it but he was all the time fussin' about how dumb town folks was and how he lived like a rat when he was livin' with Vox but he never shit in no house before.
Flynn opened that door between them rooms. When he come through that door, I had to grab hold of the bedpost to keep from runnin' to him and huggin' him. I was doin' good at not thinkin' too hard with my head on what he'd told me and I reckon I was doin' good at lettin' things come to me through my heart. I was feelin' more and more like he was my daddy but even if he wasn't, he was the best to me and Paco than anybody in the world had ever been.
The first thing Flynn done was come to me and give me a little hug. I didn't hug him back and I was mad at me when I didn't do it. He looked real good at my face and then he went to Paco and done the same thing except for the hug. He had seen Paco strainin' on that pot when he first come in and he asked Paco did it hurt his insides when he was doin' that. Paco said it didn't. Flynn looked awful relieved.
When Flynn was satisfied that we was all right, he kind of went to funnin' on us. "Damn near noon, boys. Bent-Y hands are usually up before sun-up. I'm gonna have to dock your pay. We got places to go. We got to get a move on us."
Paco got that ornery look. "What you doin' here anyway? You're s'posed to be out lookin' for some Chinaman to shoot. I don't see no damn britches."
"Hell, Paco. That Chinaman's been here and probably to Santa Fe and back already this morning. Most folks don't sleep the day away."
"Well, I still don't see no damn britches."
With Paco funnin' like that, Flynn looked even more relieved.
"Come over here." He motioned toward his room. On the bed was our britches but they wasn't what we was lookin' at. There was four piles of brand new clothes. Two of them piles was clothes like a cowboy wears when he's workin' cows but the other two was some like what bankers wear; like what Flynn had on when he was in town. They was them real fancy kind with coats and trousers and shirts with them string ties.
Even with them little slits for eyes, Paco's was about to come out his head again. There was water comin' out of them too. We knowed them clothes was for us. They was too small for Flynn and I was gettin' that feelin' again. That man was doin' like a daddy should. He was seein' to it his younguns had what they needed. I ain't never hardly been one for cryin' but, here late, seemed like every time I turned around I was tryin' to.
"Paco, these are yours and, Sam, these are yours."
We both grabbed for them fancy ones but Flynn grabbed our arms. "Hold on, there. You can't put on those clean clothes unless you take a bath first. You go on down the hall, down the back stairs and you'll find a tub full of hot water, a thick bar of soap and a señora who'll help you scrub the dirt and stink off you."
Paco was mad right now. "Goddammit, Sam! I already been bathed two times in my life. Reckon that's enough for anybody. I ain't havin' no more goddam bathin'!"
Flynn laughed and I couldn't help it. I laughed too. The way Paco could take on, you never knowed if he was funnin' or if he was mad, but it turned out this time he was mad. He thought Flynn and me was funnin' on him and it made him more mad. "Sam, you said we was gonna be friends for always. This is some hell of a way to do your friend. You bathed me two times and now you're laughin' on me."
I went over to him and put my arm around him. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to fun on you but I don't know you too good yet. I can't never tell if you're mad or if you're funnin'. If you're mad now, you're just as funny when you're mad as you are when you're funnin'.
"You might just as well learn not to take on so. When you're livin' with folks, you're gonna bath. That's just the way they do things. You're gonna get used to bathin'. Someday soon, you're gonna feel all itchy if you don't get one regular. Flynn talkin' about a hot bath and some fat señora to scrub your back, now, that sounds real good to me."
Paco got that ornery grin' like he was gonna do some funnin' but he didn't say nothin'. He acted some shamed for his gettin' mad but he wasn't over it yet. Looked like he really hated bathin'. I went on down the hall and started down them back steps. I could hear Paco followin' me, cussin' real soft, under his breath, like. I glanced back at Flynn. He was tryin' his damnedest not to laugh.
I never seen a tub that big before. That señora talked Mexican and I didn't know her talkin' but Paco told me what she said. She told us both to get in that big tub at the same time.
Seemed like that boy could talk to anybody. He did white man's talk real good. He was talkin' to them Indians and I reckon he done that good. They knowed what he was sayin' and now he was talkin' Mexican. Wouldn't surprise me, could he hold a conversation with a jack rabbit.
That señora started in scrubbin' on Paco. He was showin' her real good how much he hated bathin'. He was wigglin' around and tryin' to keep her from washin' his face with that soapy cloth she had. Pretty soon she said something to him in them words I couldn't make out. He looked at her with a surprise on his face and went to settin' quiet. She had a brush too and she really went to work on his back and the rest of him. He was acting some scared but he wasn't fightin' with her no more.
She said something to me but how the hell was I s'posed to know what she was tellin' me? She was sayin' in words I never heard before. Them words sounded some like Mexican and some sounded almost like white man's talk but I wasn't gettin' nothin' from them. She said it again and you could tell she was some mad at me for not doin' what she was sayin'. She was makin' me kind of mad and I said to her, "You want me to do somethin', say it in white man's talk, goddamit."
She started to slap my face but she stopped. She remembered that cut, I reckon. She slapped me on the wet shoulder instead. It made a real loud noise and smarted some. I was real mad but Paco was laughin'.
"Now you know why I quit fightin' her when she went to washin' my face. She ain't nobody to mess with. She told me that she had fifteen younguns at home and 'leven of them was boys. She said she knew how to make a boy sit still in a tub. If I didn't sit still and quit fightin' her, my ass wasn't gonna be that pretty Mexican brown no more. It was gonna be red as a chili pepper and burn twice as much."
"What the hell is she tryin' to say to me? She ought to know no white boy can tell nothin' from Mexican talk."
"She was tryin' to talk white man's talk. She talks Mexican real good and I reckon from her slappin' you, she understands white man's talk. She just can't talk it too good. She wants you to get out of the tub. She says I'm too dirty and she don't want to wash you in the same water. Might be you're mad from gettin' slapped but I'm gettin' plumb sick of folks tellin' me I'm dirty or that I stink. Seems like everybody in north Texas knows it and most of them is stoppin' by to tell me about it."
I knowed he was funnin' and it took away a little of my mad but not all of it. Other that than damn preacher man and them fat lady Christians and that Goodnight Marshal and that damn Jigger, I can't remember no growd person ever hittin' me before. It was doin' me some like them smells. The slappin' wasn't so much. The rememberin' was puttin' that mad on me.
I got out of the tub and sat on a bench in the sun. That señora was really workin' on Paco with that brush and he was kind of layin' there, his head back and his eyes closed, real relaxed. You could tell he was startin' to like it. Now I was laughin' at him but he knowed it wasn't no mean laughin'. I said, "For someone who hates bathin' as much as you do, you got a damn funny way of showin' it. Looks to me like you're feelin' right cozy."
"Why shouldn't I feel cozy? I got a Mexican bathin' me. They know enough not to take the hide off you or put fire you your eyes. Might be you have to take care for your ass but the rest of you is safe when you got a Mexican mama bathin' you. Looks like Mexicans know enough not to try to freeze the dirt off you too. This hot bathin' feels good. It come to me that could be bathin' ain't so bad when you ain't bein' bathed by no dumb white boy."
I went to laughin' so hard I couldn't think of nothin' to say back. I seen already I wasn't gonna out-talk Paco. His way of sayin' things that sounded mad, but you knowed he was funnin' made me fall down laughin' every time he done it. I liked it when Paco was funnin' with me like that. It come to me that I liked it when he was just there and it was lookin' more and more like I was gonna have him with me always. I got that Paco feelin' again.
That señora done a real good job on Paco. You seen how some Mexicans and Indians has got lighter skins than others, ain't you? It's the same with white folks. Some has real white skin', 'specially them with yellow hair, and some has got skin that ain't so white. Reckon there's all different kinds of Indians and Mexicans and white folks. Well, I thought Paco was one who had real dark skin. When he come out that tub, though, I seem that a lot of that dark must have been dirt. He was still a Mexican but a whole lot of that dark stayed in that tub.
That señora called toward a little shed and two boys, some older than Paco and me come out and dumped that tub. They put more hot water in it and I could see why Paco got to likin' that hot bathin'. Like I told you, most of my bathin' was in a creek and that sure as hell ain't hot. You sittin' in that hot water and that señora brushin' on your back - hell, I was comin' to see that bathin' was good for more than just takin' the dirt and stink off you. This felt good! Almost makes you want to go back to sleep.
When we got back up to the room, there was two men there that I never seen before. One of them was cuttin' Flynn's hair so I knowed he was a barber. The other one come right for me as soon as I walked in the door. He kind of scared me. Flynn's back was to us so he didn't know what was happenin' until he heard me sayin', "Keep the hell away from me. Who the hell are you anyway?"
He stopped real quick and said, "Oh, I'm sorry. I thought Shay told you I was comin'. I'm...."
Flynn broke in. "I'm sorry, Sam. I should have told you that I asked Doc Brent to stop by and look at you boys this morning. I didn't think you'd mind if I didn't ask Doc Browning back." Seemed like Flynn was some like Paco. He liked to fun too.
Doc Brent unwrapped that bandage and looked at my cut. "This is starting to heal real good, Shay. It looks kind of ugly but I think it'll do better if the air can get to it. It's not going to bleed any more unless the scab gets knocked off, so you have to be careful, Son. Don't get to playin' too rowdy or you'll be bleeding again."
He seemed real nice but he was still a doctor and my doin's with them wasn't the best. I wanted him to get the hell away from me but I didn't cuss him or nothin'. I said real nice, "Yes sir."
When Doc Brent got to him, you could tell Paco was funnin' but that he was some scared too. He said, "Ain't you got no Mexican doctors in Texas? I just seen how Mexicans can bath you without skinnin' you and burnin' your eyes out. It come to me that could be Mexican doctors can fix you without you wantin' to die from the hurt."
Even them who didn't know Paco good could tell he was funnin'. Everybody in the room laughed. Paco was likin' how he was makin' them people laugh. You could tell it.
Doc Brent said, "Well, Son. I don't look like a Mexican but I can talk like one." The rest of what went on between Paco and that Doc was in Mexican and I couldn't tell what the hell was happenin'. It come to me that I didn't like that. I was always one for needin' to know what was goin' on.
But you could tell some of it. Doc looked at Paco's little cuts and his swoled eyes and even though he looked scared, whatever Doc Brent was sayin' to him when he was pushin' around on Paco's belly, was makin' Paco laugh.
By now, the barber was done cuttin' Flynn's hair. Flynn paid the doc and he left and even him bein' real nice, I felt better with that damn doctor outta here. The barber looked real close at Paco and then at me. "Yes sir, Mr. Flynn," he said, "I can cut them boys hair and not hurt them none from them cuts."
Flynn handed me and Paco a funny lookin' pair of little white britches. They was real soft. "Put these on. Us Flynns don't cotton to our top hands runnin' around buck naked."
I never seen no britches like them before. "I ain't gonna wear no britches like them. Them's short, like for babies. I'll wear these." I grabbed for my old ones.
Flynn stopped me. "Those aren't regular britches. Those are underwear. They're like longjohns only shorter and thinner for in the summer. You put them on and put your regular britches on over them."
Well, I swear. What the hell does somebody need two pair of britches on at once in the summer for? It's mostly hotter than hell and one pair is too many most of the time. But Flynn said do it so I reckon I was gonna do it.
I was tryin' to watch Paco to see could he figure out how them damn things went on only I seen that he was watchin' me for the same thing. We laughed. Ain't sure why. Just bein' together made things seem funny that probably wasn't.
Flynn said, "You boys have to quit playing and get dressed. I want your hair cut and we have to be at the courthouse in less than an hour." He wasn't mad at us but he was bossin' us and you know what? I liked it.
"If you don't want your top hands buck naked, you're gonna have to show us how these damn things work." Flynn helped us put them on.
That barber made us look real good, especially Paco. He never had a barber haircut before and he was a little scared when the barber started on him but he done real good. He found out it wasn't gonna hurt none and he set real still. That barber was bein' real careful with both of us from our cuts and he talked to Flynn about what a son-of-a-bitch that Jigger was to do two little boys like that. He made me some mad, callin' us little boys. Flynn done that last night and now that damn barber was doin' it. Seamus Flynn could say anything he damn pleased because he was Seamus Flynn but I didn't like that barber callin' me little. I did like him, though, because he was bein' real nice to Paco and didn't even try to call him a greaser.
When he was done, we both run to the mirror. Never mind them swoled places and Paco's black eyes. We was damn proud of how we looked.
Flynn told us to dress up in them town clothes but we was havin' trouble pullin' ourselves away from that mirror. Lord have mercy, if we didn't look like somebody! Paco's eyes was beginnin' to open up some but they was still mostly closed and they was still black. If I looked straight in the mirror, I looked just like me. You couldn't tell nothin' about that cut and that swole. I had to turn my head some before you could see nothin' about them things.
When we had them fancy britches on and was ready for them boots, I seen that along with them rough-use boots we bought yesterday was some real fancy ones, like Flynn was wearin'. All my life I didn't hardly have no clothes and now I had more damn stuff than I knowed what I was gonna do with it. I was real proud of them fancy things but I got to thinkin' about them younguns at that orphanage. I had me two pair of boots and three pair of britches and two shirts. They was lucky if they got a pair of britches that wasn't too big or too little and if they got a pair of boots once a week. I started to feel sad for them younguns but I didn't have no time to. Flynn was tellin' us we had to get a move on us.
"Get your boots on, boys. They're not going to wait for us in that court."
New boots is hard to get to slide on your feet. Me and Paco was both pullin' real hard but they was stuck and it was hurtin' that skin on my feet. Paco got some mad, "I ain't had no boots since I can remember and when I get some, the damn things is too small. Flynn, what we gonna do? I ain't goin' bare-foot in these fancy clothes."
Flynn come to help us and he was havin' trouble too. He pulled Paco's boot back off and said, "No wonder you're havin' trouble. You got to put on these stockings. When you do, these boots will slip right on."
Damn, this fancy dressin' is complicated. All my life gettin' dressed meant pullin' on a pair of britches. Now dressin' has got so many parts it's a damn wonder anyone can keep them all straight.
I knowed about stockings 'cause I seen them school younguns have some. I never had none and never seen no sense in them. But they did cause them boots to slide on real easy so I reckon they was good for somethin'. I still didn't see no sense in that underwear Flynn had us wearin' though.
Flynn tied them string ties and held our coats while we was gettin' into them. We looked in the mirror again. Lord have mercy, I hardly knowed me. I just plain out wouldn't have knowed Paco if I wasn't there when he was gettin' into them fancy duds. No matter our faces was swoled and bruised. We looked real good.
While we was lookin', Flynn come up behind us and put one of them real fine Stetson hats on each of us. Mine looked almost like Flynn's. Paco's had them little hangin' downthings like the Mexican Cowboys wear.
I near 'bout cried again. I was gettin' some weary of always havin' to fight off them cries but they kept tryin' to come on me. Nobody had ever done me this good before and I never even dreamed of havin' these fancy clothes. But bein' done good wasn't why I was near to cryin'. Dressed in them same kind of clothes as Flynn, with my hair cut neat like Flynn's and wearin' that hat that looked like his, I knowed right off who I was. I wasn't Sam Martin, the whore's bastard. I was Sam Flynn whose daddy was Seamus Flynn and I knowed for sure that wasn't just wishin' or playin' in my head. It was a different kind of knowin' than I ever had before and I knowed it didn't come through my head. Ain't sure why, but I knowed it was my heart tellin' me he was my daddy and I knowed in all of me, my heart and my head that I loved him. I turned around and hugged him and whispered in his ear, "Daddy!"