Tuesday morning the boys stayed in the play area. Whatever they were playing must have been good, because they were giggling so much that even Mark came to watch. Mary couldn't believe the change in the boys. From sad faces to happy smiles. "You know you're the best thing to happen to the boys since their father died. It's as if you took on the responsibility of their father, especially Richard. You've shown them how to be kids again. I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Thank you, David."
"I think it's done as much for me as it has for them. I was in the same state when you found me. The only difference was I shut everybody out. Beth was my life from second grade on, we did everything together. We were destined to meet and be together. When Beth died, so did I. Then I met two kids who were a miniature version of myself. They looked and sounded like they had the world on their shoulders, and in a way they did. You see, your husband, and you of course, brought the boys up with respect and dignity. I think Thomas was just following his brother's lead, but Richard was doing a small version of an adult. He took it upon himself to do what his father had always done, be the man of the house. I think he was acting more of a grown up man than I was. So I think we are good for each other. They have given me my life back and I hope that you will become part of it."
The boys asked for a soda, looking like they had been playing in the pool instead of on dry land. We all sat near the pool and talked. Richard, still a little reserved, came over and sat beside me. "David," he said, "why do people have to die?" Now that might seem like a stupid question for an eleven year old to ask, but if you've lost someone dear I'd say it's a natural question.
I put my hand on his shoulder. "The logical answer, son, is because that's the way of life. The honest answer is I don't know. People have to die to start anew. When God thinks it's time, he takes them to heaven to be with him." I looked over at Mary. "I know your dad would do anything not to see your mom, you, and Thomas sad, so I'm sure your dad, with God's help, had something to do with us meeting at the cemetery. Your dad is still looking after you even though he isn't here." I put my hand on his heart. "Remember, he's in here."
He nodded.
"But why did my dad have to die?"
"Your dad was a special person, he helped people, he was a good man. In the bible God had apostles, they were good people who if they saw someone in trouble they tried to help. God saw how your father helped other people, so your dad became one of his helpers. Have you heard of guardian angels? They look after kids like you and me." He giggled.
"You're not a kid."
"Oh, I'm not, eh?" I grabbed him and tickled him till he begged me to stop. "So, just 'cause I'm old, I can't act like a kid? We'll see about that." I picked him up and threw him into the pool to a chorus of giggles, then I jumped in and continued my assault. He was begging and laughing at the same time, so I took pity on him. "So I'm a kid, am I not?"
"Yes, yes, you're a kid." He tried to get out still giggling. I bundled him out of the water like a sack of potatoes and still he giggled. We sat on the edge of the pool for a good ten minutes. It took him that long to rein in his laughter. I tried to give a stern face . . . it didn't work. I was going to continue where I'd left off, but I couldn't resist putting my hand out as Thomas strolled over. One on the left, one on the right, I put my arms around their waists and before they realised what was happening, they were both in the pool screaming and giggling. "So you think this old fogey is too old, eh?" I really did feel old when I finally got out the pool . . . but don't tell them that. To coin an English phrase, I got mugged. Mary was sitting there just laughing at the antics of the kids. Three of us to be exact.
We sat on the side of the pool catching our breath. "You're your father's sons, that makes you good too. I also want you to remember something important. When you're awake he's with you, when you're asleep he's watching over you." Both leaned into my side, arms around my waist and their heads lying against my chest. It was just one of those solemn moments that makes your heart sing. "I said you were good, but that doesn't mean you aren't daft or silly." For the second time that day I was mugged by two kids. Now they were beginning to enjoy themselves. I thanked God again that they were now happy children instead of small adults with the whole world on their shoulders.
After having a snack, the kids again found the energy to go play football. Well, as near to football as you can get without destroying everything in sight. "Are you guys trying to shoot down enemy planes? If not, the goals are at the back of you." They tried table tennis, but I think they were playing who can hit the ball the hardest. Alaina told us that dinner was ready and to go get washed up. "No running, guys," I shouted. I had a feeling Alaina would have to replenish our food stock before the end of the week, if not sooner, which made me smile with the thought.
As it sometimes happens, sleeping can be a nightmare. I got up, warmed up some milk, then went outside and sat on the porch. I heard the door opening and turned around to see who else could be up at this time of the morning. Seeing a small figure standing in the shadows, I knew it had to be one of the boys. "If you've come for some milk, I only warmed one glass up. If you've come to see Richard and Thomas, they're asleep." I thought I heard a giggle. A few seconds later Richard had tucked himself on the seat beside me. "Now what did I do to deserve this honour?"
"I heard noises, so I came down."
"Pray doth thou require a glass of milk?"
"Yes, please," came with a hearty giggle.
"Thou pleaseth me, good Sir?" His laughter was infectious. After making the milk I took my seat beside him.
"What's the matter, son? I'm sure when I came down I could've heard a mouse sneeze."
"I just miss my dad. I know he loved us, but why did he have to die."
"That only God knows, son. I know this is hard, but please believe me, your dad is with you. I know he can't make you laugh or give you a hug when you're sad, but if you talk to him he'll hear you, he's there always. I know it hurts, son, but out of bad comes good. Your dad is taking care of you all right now. You being happy now is due to your dad? Going to the cemetery made you sad, but if you hadn't been there, then you, your brother, your mom, and even I would still be sad. Instead you are here and I hope happy. Your dad did that by looking after you. When you go back to bed tonight think about what you would say to him if he was here. I promise he'll hear you."
Richard was sullen and quiet for a few minutes, then spoke. "I miss my dad and so does Thomas and my mom, but I can't cry unless I'm alone. I'm the oldest and dad always said that when he was away I was the man of the house. I try to be grown-up, but it's hard."
"No one will think you're a baby if you cry, I know I won't, and neither will your mom. You know what I think as to why you're upset? I don't think you've said goodbye to your dad. When you go back to bed tonight, pray and talk to your dad, tell him how you feel and how much you miss him. If you're still upset, I'll personally drive you to talk to your dad. Is that a deal?"
"But why? No one else cared apart from my mom."
"You're good, you keep asking questions I can't answer. I care for you, Richard, Thomas, and your mom. That's the only thing I can tell you. If I didn't care I could be living here on my own, no worries apart from what I was going to do everyday. I'll take care of you and look after you, your brother, and your mom if you'll let me."
"So, if I talk to my dad, he'll hear me?" Not waiting for an answer, he came over and hugged me around my neck. "I love you, David. I just wish we weren't such a burden like my mom says."
"Listen to me!" He turned around, stunned at my tone of voice. "I took on two wonderful boys and their fantastic mom because I wanted to, not because I had to or felt sorry for you. I did it because you, your mom, and your brother needed someone to make you happy and for a time to forget your sadness. Now listen to me; You Are Not A Burden," I said, looking him directly in the eyes. "No one is going to be happy if you keep thinking you're something you're not. Got that!" I said as I tapped him on the back of his head. "Oh, and no saying you're sorry, you've done nothing wrong to apologise for. Get me?" He came over, put his arms again around my neck and sobbed quietly. "I know, son, I know." I said as I rubbed my hand up and down his back to comfort him. "Now, scoot back to bed before you get me started." With a tap on the butt he was gone.
Wednesday was a blur. After breakfast we went into town to get plenty of cakes and sandwich fillers for a picnic. The boys stayed behind with Mark to play some crazy games. We got back just before lunch. Alaina and Mark knew about the picnic, so the boys, as they put it, were starving when we returned. We went to the pond, as I call it, and had a long afternoon of eating, drinking sodas, and just having fun. We also spent a lot of time in the water in between. I spent more time under the water than on top of it. I swear, if this keeps up I'm going to grow fins and a tail.
After the kids had gone to bed, I poured two glasses of wine and asked Mary to join me on the patio. I told Mary of the conversation I'd had with Richard. Without presuming, I told her that Richard will probably be more at ease and a little more relaxed. Thomas seems to follow-his-lead, so I hoped that he will be of the same mind as his brother. "It's getting to where I won't want you or the boys to leave. Since the first time I met you and the short time that you've been here, I've gotten very close to you and the boys. I never thought that'd ever happen again with anyone."
Mary, still looking up at the stars, sipped at her drink, then put it down on the table in front of her. "I've loved every minute that we've been here. You are a very attractive man, David. But Richard and Thomas are my sons and I have to do what is best for them. You are the man of the house and that is good, especially for Richard. Richard looks up to you, you know. Robert was a good man and a good father. Please understand, I've lost my husband - I don't want to lose my children too. I'm sorry . . . that came out wrong. I'm not jealous of you. You're a good man, David, but please don't take my children. They're happy, and I want them to be happy but . . ."
"I can never replace their father and I wouldn't want to. Whatever happens in the next week or so the boys have had time to grieve, mourn, and have fun. You, yourself, have been able to lay the burden down, relax and have some fun. Whatever happens, you will remember that always. You're a fine lady, the children think so too. I certainly hope the boys don't think I'm trying to take their mother from them."
It was getting late, so after we finished our drinks we made our way upstairs. At the top of the stairs I kissed Mary goodnight, then turned in myself.
I sat on the bed for some time, just staring at the moon and stars. The night was peaceful with just the odd rustling of the trees as the wind gently blew a tune. The grass seemed to dance in the moonlight. I watched as the shadows bounced around the walls with the curtains sometimes allowing and blocking the light from outside. It was warm inside, but still cool outside. I lay on the bed and stared up at the ceiling. My mind kept going backwards and forwards between Mary and my Beth. I knew I wanted the change, but I was scared. Beth was my life, even after she died. I felt like I was deserting her, being selfish for finding someone else. Can a person really fall in love so quickly? Question after question flooded my thoughts. I could only answer one, I was falling in love with Mary. My life was now getting better, so why did I feel like such a traitor.
I needed to go talk to Beth. We shared everything in life and now I was going to share, no ask permission to be with Mary. I wrote a note for Alaina and left it on the breakfast bar. I made up a flask of coffee, I was now ready for the long drive to New Westminster. I couldn't tell you the time it took for the journey as I was going over my speech to Beth, or at least that's what it seemed like.
After I arrived and parked, I walked over to where she was buried. It felt the right thing to do, even at such an hour. I stood in front of the headstone staring, but seeing nothing, then sat down with tears in my eyes. I sat talking to Beth with a one sided conversation. After I finished talking I sat in silence for what seemed like hours, then my mind seemed to speak to me.
"Life sometimes throws us a puzzle or a solution. Maybe life has given you a test. Or maybe the solution lies within the puzzle."
Beth heard me. She was talking to me. I wept in silence. Daybreak seemed to come too soon. Do I have a puzzle or a solution? God only knows . . . and only time will tell.