"Well kiddo, what do you think of Wasaga beach?" I asked Josh in a cheerful tone.
"It's huge," was his excited reply. "Can we come back here in the summer?"
"It's the world's longest fresh water beach. You bet we'll come back here in the summer. The water is amazing. It's shallow and it's all sand bars. You can go a really long ways out and the water still won't be over your head. There aren't any sharp rocks down there either. Just soft sand."
"Sounds amazing."
"I'm amazed that nobody ever brought you here before."
"Mom's not into beaches and my father, well, you know all about him."
"Yeah, I know," I said sadly. "Those days are behind you, son."
We walked silently gazing out onto the frozen expanse of Georgian Bay. There was a steady wind blowing off the bay which made it feel much cooler than it really was. We were both clad in heavy jackets, scarves, gloves and hats.
"You're going to be a teenager pretty soon," I observed.
"Yeah, lucky thirteen," Josh smiled.
"You're growing up fast, Josh. You're on your way to becoming a man," I said as I placed my arm around his shoulders.
"It's so confusing, you know? I mean sometimes I feel like a little kid and sometimes I feel grown up. Sometimes I feel like I don't want to grow up," Josh replied thoughtfully.
"I remember those feelings well, son. Everyone has them. We just have to learn to let go and let nature take its course."
"I guess," Josh sighed.
"Let me be honest with you, bud. This is a tough time in the life of a boy. I wouldn't want to go through adolescence again no matter what anyone offered to pay me." I will never forget how I felt when I was Josh's age and adults were forever telling me that those years were supposed to be the best of my life. Looking back, either they were fibbing to me or they were somehow "hatched" as adults and skipped the teen years altogether.
"That's comforting," Josh grinned.
"Well, that might not be but this will be. You don't have to go through it alone. I'm here and I'll always be here. Whenever you need someone to talk you, whenever you're confused or worried, you can come to me." We stopped walking and I turned to face him. "This will be a confusing time in your life, but I'll be there to guide you. You won't ever face judgment from me; you won't ever hear me tell you what to do or what choices to make. What I will do is offer you advice, support and encouragement."
"I know, dad. I love you and I appreciate everything you do for me," Josh said as he gave me a brief but firm hug. His mind was obviously carefully processing everything I was saying.
"There are going to be a lot of changes on the way, Josh. Some of them will be physical and some of them will be up here," I said pointing to my temple. "Over the next few years, your body is going to change from that of a boy to that of a man. Your mind will also make that same transformation." In reality, the physical changes of puberty are just the tip of the iceberg. They're easy to deal with; the mental and emotional changes tend to be the toughest.
"My new pubes are the start of that right?" Josh asked grinning.
He was damned proud of those few straggly pubic hairs. "Yes they are kiddo. Pubic hair is an early sign of puberty. You'll start growing hair in your arm pits and on your face before too long. In a year or two you'll grow hair on your legs and probably on your chest and belly as well. You'll start to develop a more adult muscle tone and your voice will start to get deeper."
"They told us a lot of this stuff in school, but most of us were giggling and not really paying attention. It was kind of embarrassing to have the teacher talk about this stuff. I'm not embarrassed with you, though."
I remembered those dreaded health classes as well. The Phys-Ed teacher was always nervous and mumbling and all of us guys were either giggling like school girls or trying to melt into the floor with embarrassment.
"I'm glad Josh. You should never be embarrassed about anything with me. There is nothing that you can't come to me about, nothing that you can't tell me or ask me. I might not have all the answers, but I will do what it takes to get you the answers that you need."
"I know, dad. What about my dick?" Josh asked with a hopeful look on his face, "When will it get bigger?"
I bit my tongue to avoid snickering at his classic teenage boy question. "Well bud, that will start to grow real soon too. You'll also notice that your testicles, your balls if you prefer, will start to grow quite a bit real soon and they'll start to hang lower too. They have probably already started to get bigger."
"They've gotten way bigger. My nuts used to be like marbles, now they're like big grapes," Josh said with a grin. "When will my dick get as big as yours?"
"Well, it takes time, bud. Everyone grows at a different rate. Mine is pretty average. Lots of guys like to claim that they have 9 or 10 inch salamis in their pants. The truth is that everyone is pretty much the same size. The adult average is about 6 inches."
"I want a big one," Josh said with a laugh.
"It's not the size that counts, little man; it's how you use it."
"Why did I have that wet dream the other night?" Josh asked with a bit of concern in his voice.
"Well, your testicles perform 2 major functions. They produce testosterone which is the male hormone and they produce sperm. You know where babies come from right?"
"Yeah, when a man and a woman have sex, the sperm joins with the egg to form a fetus which develops in the woman's womb."
"Right, I'm glad you listened to at least some of what the health teacher said," I chuckled. "When you reach puberty, your testicles start producing sperm. In fact, they never stop producing sperm but they have a limited amount of space to store it. When they get to the point of 'overflow', your brain triggers a wet dream. A wet dream is usually, but not always a sexy dream. Sometimes it's just a very vivid, exciting dream. Because our mind doesn't distinguish between reality and dreams, our bodies react to dreams as they would reality. As a result, you have an orgasm in your sleep."
"An orgasm?"
"You might have heard another word for it like 'cumming'? You've probably also heard of sperm being referred to as 'cum'"
"Oh yeah, I've heard those words but I really didn't know what they were."
"Well, when you have a wet dream and cum in your sleep it clears out the sperm and makes room for more."
"Does it happen to all boys?"
"It happens to most boys and can happen to men as well. Unless you have some other way to relieve the tension and get rid of excess sperm, it will happen."
"How do you get rid of excess sperm?"
"The most common way for boys your age is masturbation. Having sex will also do the trick."
"Is that like jacking off?"
"Yep, that's what it is."
"Isn't that nasty?"
"Not at all, bud. Virtually every male from kids your age onwards does it."
"Really?" Josh said amazed.
"Yep, they say that 99% of males masturbate and the rest lie about it."
"Do you do it?" He asked with a sly grin.
I should have expected that question, especially from Josh. Fortunately, I was as comfortable with him as he was with me. "Yeah, I do it." I answered honestly.
"How often?" He asked.
"That's kind of a personal question, Josh, but we have no secrets. I'd say I do it every few days or so. Have you tried it yet?"
"I don't know how," Josh said quietly.
"It's easy. Hold out your hand and make a loose fist like this," I said demonstrating what I wanted him to do. "Now, shake your hand up and down like you're shaking a Ketchup bottle." He did as I instructed and I said, "That's it. That's the basic technique."
"Wow, I gotta try that later. Doesn't it make a mess?"
"Yeah, I suggest having something handy to wipe up with. Tissues or toilet paper work pretty well. Some people have a nasty habit of wiping up with dirty clothing. Unless you want your mom finding cummy socks or underwear in your wash, I don't recommend that!" I said with a laugh.
Josh turned red, "I'd just about die if my mom found out I was doing that!"
"Well, if you have another wet dream or you find yourself forced to wipe up with some clothing, just put it in my laundry and I'll take care of it for you."
"Thanks, dad!" Josh looked thoughtful for a moment, "What happens if you do it too much?"
"It's harmless, Josh. The most harm that you would likely cause would to leave your penis a little red and sore. Until you're used to it, friction can be tough on sensitive skin like that! Some people use baby oil or moisturizer lotion to lubricate themselves and reduce the friction. If you have that problem, let me know and I'll get you what you need."
"How often did you do it when you were my age?"
"Well, I am not ashamed to say that there were days when I thought I was going for the world record! I think I once did it 8 times in a day. My balls were so damned sore afterwards! I usually did it 2 or 3 times a day."
"Wow! You were a horn dog back then," Josh laughed and winked at me.
I laughed, "That's one of the side effects of the hormones, kiddo. The testosterone which your testicles release into your system triggers the changes in your body but it also makes you horny. Many kids your age are virtually walking erections."
"Is that why I keep getting hard all the time?"
"I'm sure it is. Most kids your age seem to be sprouting hardons just about all the time," I chuckled. "It's perfectly normal."
"I'm always afraid that the teacher will make me stand up and write on the chalk board when I have one."
There it was. I don't think there's a boy on the planet who hasn't contemplated the horrors of standing up in class while sprouting wood. "That's the great fear of just about ever teenage boy on earth, Josh. All I can tell you is that every other boy in your class will experience the same thing and you can always bring a textbook up with you for use as a shield!"
Josh laughed. "What about gym class? We have to shower after gym, what if I get a hardon then?"
"That's a tough one, Josh. It wouldn't necessarily mean anything sexual; it would just be your body reacting normally to the sight of nude bodies. It will probably happen to just about every boy at least once. All you can do is face the wall and hope it goes away or wrap a towel around yourself in a hurry."
"What about sex?" Josh asked.
"What about it," I asked.
"I've heard that a lot of kids, some my age, are having sex."
"Well Josh, I already told you that men and boys like to lie about the size of their penises. They also like to lie about how much sex they're getting. Sure some kids are having sex, but most aren't."
"How do I know when it's the right time to do it?"
"That's a tough one, kiddo. There really isn't a short answer to that question. In a nutshell, you'll have to choose for yourself when the opportunity presents itself. You're a good looking boy and you probably won't have any shortage of girls fawning over you before too long. Some of them may well be willing to engage in sex with you. You have to decide whether you are ready to do it and whether you want to do it."
Joshed blushed a deep crimson colour. "Doesn't everyone want to do it?"
"Well, it depends, Josh. Some people are willing to look for and accept sex wherever they can get it. That's called lust. Others are more interested in love and see sex without love as being empty. You have to make your own judgment on that. Personally, I've never been a fan of casual sex. I prefer to look at sex as an extension of love. Some people can't make that distinction. They believe that sex is love. In reality, they are two very different things."
"I think I understand," Josh replied. He seemed deep in thought. "How will I know if I'm in love?" Josh asked earnestly.
"That's another tough question kiddo. There are many types of love. There's the unconditional platonic love between family members – that's the kind of love we share. There's a degree of love between friends and there is romantic love. There really aren't any specific guidelines that tell you when you're in love. You just know. The trick is to distinguish between love and lust. If you're thinking with your heart and this head," I said pointing to his forehead, "It's probably love. If you're thinking with this head," I said pointing to his crotch, "It's probably lust."
Josh laughed and grinned at me. "What sorts of things should I consider before deciding whether or not to have sex with someone?" Josh asked with a thoughtful look on his face.
"Most importantly, listen to your heart and your head. If it feels wrong, it probably is. You also need to consider things such as protection."
"What's protection?" Josh asked with keen interest.
"Condoms, you know, rubbers. Josh, this is very important. If you absorb any of what I tell you today, make sure it's this," I said seriously. "You have to take responsibility to protect yourself. You MUST use a condom each and every time you engage in sex. It isn't just a matter of ensuring that we don't end up with little Josh's running around, it could mean your life."
"You're talking about AIDS, right?" Josh asked seriously.
"Yes, AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases. Most of them can be cured, although the cure is often quite unpleasant. AIDS on the other hand has no cure. If you get it, unless they find a cure, you will eventually die from it. There are only 2 ways to protect yourself. First, there is abstinence, not having sex at all. Second, you can be safe, be responsible and use a condom every time you have sex."
"I don't plan on having sex anytime soon, dad." Josh replied.
"That's ok son, but eventually the time will come when you will decide to be intimate with someone. When that time comes you must be prepared. When you think that time is getting close, I want you to come to me. I'll give you advice and I will buy you all the condoms that you need. It can be embarrassing for a boy to buy those things so come to me and I will get them for you."
"Thanks Tommy, I don't know what I'd do without you."
"I don't know what I'd do without you either, kiddo, that's why I'll do what it takes to help keep you safe. You have a good head on your shoulders and I have no doubt that you'll do the right thing when the time comes."
I pulled him closely to me and hugged him tightly. If I accomplished anything during this talk, I wanted him to understand the importance of safe sex and using his head. I wanted to ensure that he had no doubt in his mind that he could come to me with any problem or question and that I would always help him to the best of my ability.
We continued to chat as we approached the end of the public beach. I was once again impressed with Josh's maturity. He never ceased to amaze me. We covered just about every aspect of sex and adolescent development. He asked me intelligent questions and I answered those questions honestly and openly. We were so comfortable together that neither of us was seriously embarrassed at any point during the long talk.
"Thanks for having this talk with me, dad." Josh said as we sat down on a picnic table that had been left on the beach. "I'm really glad that I have you in my life. I feel so much better knowing that I have a dad who loves me to help me grow up."
"I do love you, Josh. I will always be there for you. I can't stress enough that you should never be afraid to come to me about anything. I will never turn you away, I will never ridicule you, I will never judge you and I will never tell anyone else about the things we discuss. You can talk to me in absolute confidence." I said sincerely.
"I know, dad. I've always felt that way. I can't imagine what it would be like to try and grow up without a guy like you to lean on," Josh said with absolute sincerity. "I'm getting cold."
I was wearing an oversized winter coat and I had an idea. I got up off the bench of the picnic table and moved up to the table top. I positioned myself behind Josh and pulled him up with me so that he was sitting between my legs. I then unzipped my large coat, wrapped it around both of us and then zipped it back up. "Better?" I asked as I wrapped my arms around him.
Josh snuggled into me and nuzzled his head into my chin. "Yeah, you're nice and warm," he said with a loving smile.
We sat there together on the table, cuddled up and warming each other with our combined body heat. We were mostly silent as we sat there lost in our own thoughts for what must have been almost half an hour.
"We had better start heading back to the Jeep, Josh." I said "I'm starting to get hungry."
"Me too," Josh replied.
I unzipped my coat and released Josh. He stood up and tore off down the beach.
"Catch me," he called over his shoulder.
I should have known better, but I took off after him. He stood his ground until I got within a few feet of him and then he dodged and took off again. I kept the chase up even as I began to feel the ache in my right leg. I should have stopped, but I pressed it.
The sand was surprisingly firm and partially frozen but I managed to find a soft spot. I twisted my ankle slightly and went down hard. "SHIT!" I hollered.
"Dad!" Josh yelled as he ran to me. "Are you ok?" He asked with concern.
"It's my blasted leg. I'll be ok, help me up."
Josh through my arm around his shoulders and helped to get me on my feet. I was a little unsteady so he did his best to support me.
"What happened?"
"It's my bad leg, Josh. I should have been more careful. I'm not supposed to run."
"I'm sorry, it's my fault," Josh said dejectedly. He looked to be on the verge of tears.
"It's not your fault, son. I ignored the warning signs and pushed it. It'll be fine in a while. Can you help we walk for a bit?"
"Of course," he said with a great deal of concern in his voice. "How did your leg get that way?"
"It's the reason that I had to quit the militia. It happened about a year after I joined. In fact, it was about 6 months before we met for the first time. We were on a training exercise up at base Borden. I was in the Queen's York Rangers regiment – it's an armored reconnaissance unit. We were out in our Grizzly and Cougar armored vehicles simulating an armored spearhead."
"Sounds pretty cool," Josh remarked with obvious pride in his voice.
"It was, at least until the driver goofed. He took us off course and we ended up in a steep ravine. Because of the deep snow, he took the wrong route to get us out and we rolled down a rather large hill, flipping over about 5 times. There were 3 of us in the vehicle and we were all thrown violently around the interior. I was worst off. I had a concussion, a dislocated shoulder and my lower right leg was shattered."
Josh shuddered, "That must have hurt like hell."
"It did. I had ruptured my Achilles tendon, broken my ankle in 3 places and broken my lower leg in 4 places. I was evacuated in an army ambulance and ended up spending several weeks in the hospital in a lot of pain. I went through a lot of operations and I have stainless steel pins in my leg. I can walk with no trouble, I can even hike long distances but I can't run for more than a few meters. Even worse, I could no longer do drill. The combination of the two factors ended my army career."
"That really sucks," Josh said sadly.
"Yes and no, buddy. It sucks that my dream career went out the window, but it was also a blessing in disguise."
"What do you mean?" Josh said looking questioningly at me.
"I believe that everything happens for a reason, Josh. Had I not been injured, I would have spent that summer serving full-time with the regular forces. Instead, I ended up working at camp Tonawonka where I met you. If I had to do it all over again, I'd do it without complaint. I lost my first career choice, but I gained you in the process." I looked lovingly at Josh, "It was a pretty unfair trade; I got so much, but gave up so little."
Josh stopped walking and hugged me tight. We just stood there on the beach holding each other for a moment or two.
Joshed looked into my eyes. "You keep saying how amazing I am. You're the amazing one. You've been through so much but it hasn't hurt you. You're still able to smile and to laugh. You're an amazing dad and you're the best friend I've ever had." The love and adoration in his voice was as clear as a bell.
"Josh, I count my lucky stars every day. I'm not a religious man, but I believe that there is a God and I believe that he has a plan for us. I believe that we were brought together for a reason."
"Me too, dad. I love you."
"I love you too, Josh."
We walked the rest of the way back to the Jeep in relative silence, each of us with an arm wrapped around the other's shoulders. My leg was feeling better but Josh insisted on helping me the whole way. Josh took my keys are we arrived at the Jeep. He opened the door and helped me up into my seat. After closing my door, he ran around to the passenger side and climbed in.
I started the engine and fired up the heater. We sat for a few moments, allowing the Jeep to warm up. "Thanks for helping me, son."
"I owed you one, dad," Josh said thoughtfully.
"You didn't owe me anything, kiddo."
"I know, I just meant that you did that for me once. Remember the time at camp when I twisted my ankle on the overnight hike? You picked me up and carried me all the way down the hill and out of the bush. It must have been 2 kilometers or more."
"I remember that very well. It was what cemented things between us."
"You're right. Now that I think about it, it was that day that I first decided that I loved you."
"Same here kiddo. You had been such a handful up until then. At that moment, you showed me the true Josh for the first time. I'm pretty sure I decided that I loved you then too. I remember that I was carrying you on my back and you fell asleep with your head cuddled up against me. When I got back to camp, I ran into Rachel at the camp office and she thought it was the sweetest thing," I said with a smile, fondly recalling the event.
"I'm amazed that you carried me at all with your bad leg. It had to hurt."
"I paid for it the next day, but I wouldn't have done things any differently. I cared for all my boys and I cared for you in particular. We weren't supposed to show any kind of favoritism, but you were my favorite by a long shot."
Josh flashed the wide and loving grin that always melted my heart.
We were finally warmed by the Jeep's heater and I put her in gear and pulled out of the parking lot. I turned right onto the main street which runs parallel to the beach and headed into the downtown area. I was hoping that the restaurant I had in mind was going to be open during the off season. Thankfully it was.
I parked the Jeep and we made a bee-line to the front door. The aroma of searing steaks that assaulted our senses was nothing short of intoxicating. I had always been a barbecue fanatic. Few foods could top a well prepared, medium-rare Alberta steak grilled to perfection. My mouth was watering as we were seated.
"Oh man, that smells good," Josh enthused.
"These guys serve some of the best steaks around. They only use grade 'A' Alberta beef and they never allow their meat to be frozen before they cook it."
We both ordered large 16 ounce t-bone steaks with all the trimmings. It was a little more than I would normally want to spend on a meal, but it was a special occasion. Josh and I had bonded even more during this trip. Our talk today had been a tremendous success and I firmly believed that Josh was on the right path. I knew that there would be bumps on the road, but I had no doubt that he would feel completely comfortable coming to me with any problem or question.
We both managed to put away our steaks and after I paid the cheque, we started the long trip home. As with the drive up here two days before, I appointed Josh navigator and he had a great time guiding us home safely.
I didn't mention it to him at the time, but I felt another serious headache building on the right side of my head. I was experiencing the classic "aura" of a migraine headache. I tried to tune it out and continued to drive on. Not surprisingly, it didn't take Josh long to figure it out.
"You have another headache, don't you?" He asked in a worried voice.
"Yeah, it's just starting. How did you know?"
"I can read you dad. I can see it in your eyes. You're squinting and you're a little pale."
"I'll be alright, kiddo," I said trying to reassure him.
"I'm worried about you, dad," Josh said seriously. "You should see a doctor about those headaches."
"It's ok, son. I've been having these for years. There isn't all that much they can do except prescribe powerful medication which is actually quite expensive."
"If you can buy me a steak dinner, you can buy yourself medication for your headaches, dad," Josh said sternly.
"It's not the money, kiddo. Imitrex, which is the best medication for migraine is extremely powerful and has lots of potential side effects. I'd prefer not to take such powerful medications if I can avoid it."
"I still worry about you."
"I know, son. I appreciate it, but you don't have to worry. Just give me one of those neck and temple massages every once in a while and it'll help quite a bit."
"I'll do that whenever you want."
We drove the remaining 20 minutes in near silence. Josh turned on the radio but kept the volume down for the sake of my headache. We pulled into the driveway just after 6:00 PM. Josh insisted that I go inside and lay down while he unloaded the Jeep.
"Hi Tom, how was the trip?" Susan asked as I entered the house.
"It went well, all things considered," I said and then proceeded to tell her what had happened with Uncle Joe.
"God damn him! Damn that man," she hissed. "He's always been a mean old prick. He actually hit me once too. I'm glad you were there and were able to put him in his place." She gave me a quick hug.
"I'm just glad everything worked out," I said wanly.
"You don't look so good, Tom, are you ok?" She asked in a concerned voice.
"I have another migraine. It started during the drive home."
"Go grab some Tylenol and lay down," she said as her mothering instinct took over. "Do you want some dinner?"
"Crashing sounds like a great idea," I said. "Josh is unloading the Jeep for me. We had a big late afternoon lunch so I'm not hungry but you know Josh, he's probably good for supper."
Susan chuckled. "Take care of yourself, these headaches really worry Josh."
"I know, he told me that he wants me to see a doctor about them. He's a great kid. I just love him to pieces."
"He really loves you too, Tom," Susan smiled.
With that, I went down to my apartment, took some Tylenol, lay down on the sofa and closed my eyes. I hadn't been down there for long before I Josh joined me.
"Are you ok, dad?" he asked tenderly.
"I'll be fine, kiddo. It's not that bad this time."
"Sit up for a second," he instructed.
I sat up and he sat down behind me with his back against the arm rest. He stretched his legs down either side of my body and pulled me back so that my head and shoulders rested on his belly and chest. He wrapped his arms around me for a minute and gave me a warm hug. I felt him gently kiss the top of my head and then he began to massage my temples.
The firm and regular motion of his hands was heavenly. I focused all of my attention on my temples and felt the pain begin to abate steadily. Before long, I fell fast asleep.
I awoke the next morning and I was still stretched out on my couch. Josh had removed my shirt and pants and thrown a blanket over me before retreating off to bed himself. My headache was gone completely and for that I was thankful. I looked at the clock and saw that it was just before 8:00 AM. Josh would be leaving for school before long. If I wanted to see him off, I had to get moving.
As if he had read my mind, I heard him creep slowly down the stairs. That was unusual, he usually flew down them. I guessed that he wasn't sure if I was up and he didn't want to wake me.
"Morning, bud," I said as he came into my apartment.
His eyes lit up as he saw that I was awake. He ran to me and wrapped his arms firmly around my shoulders. "Feeling better, dad?" He asked.
"Much better, thanks to you," I said with a loving smile as I hugged him close my chest.
"Dad, could you wash these for me?" Josh asked sheepishly handing me a pair of briefs and a pair of socks. They both appeared a little crusty.
"Hmm was this another wet dream or a lack of suitable wipe-up material?" I asked.
Josh blushed a little. "I forgot the Kleenex," he said sheepishly. "I REALLY like this masturbation thing," He said with a grin.
I had to chuckle. "No problem, kiddo. I'll throw them in with my laundry. When you come home, grab one of the spare boxes of Kleenex from my bathroom and keep it in your room. It's a little better than leaving cummy undergarments around for your mom to find." I said with a laugh.
Josh blushed sweetly, "Thanks dad."
"Remember kiddo, careful you don't overdo it and leave yourself raw. I'll grab you a bottle of baby oil or something."
"Thanks Dad," Josh grinned.
"Have a good day at school, bud. I love you kiddo."
"I love you too," He said as he flashed another wide grin and released me. "I'll see you later."
I smiled at him and watched him thunder up the stairs and out the door. I always felt pangs whenever we parted company and this morning was no different. I loved that boy so much that it almost defied belief.
I didn't have any school work to catch up on so after I had showered and dressed, I started thinking about Christmas. Christmas was about a month away. I decided that I was going to do something special for Josh, but I wasn't quite sure what. 1999 had been a rollercoaster of a year for the boy and I wanted it to end on a positive note. I also wanted the year 2000 to start off well so I also intended to come up with a plan for the two of us to start Y2K off right. I fired up my PC, connected to the Internet and started to look for suitable gift ideas for the most special boy I knew.