Whore's Bastard

Just when we got done eatin', Rosie come in the kitchen carryin' Buck. He wasn't even one year old yet but when he seen his mama he went to laughin' and holdin' out his hands to her, wantin' her to take him. He was so excited I thought he was gonna shake hisself right out of Rosie's arms. I seen babies but I never knowed when they started doin' stuff like that. I got a kind of a soft feelin' for that baby but there was no way I was gonna get close to him. Paco was over to Rosie so fast that I didn't have no chance but it never bothered me none. Like I said, I think them babies give Paco his "thing" from rememberin' how he was done when he was a baby. I ain't sure about that but if you think on it, it makes sense.

Paco seemed to know to go at that baby real slow and pretty soon, just like he done all them other folks he had that baby laughin' and likin' him and then he was holdin' him. I ain't sure why. I reckon it might have been his "thing" but when Paco was holdin' Buck he was smilin' but water was runnin' down his face. I seen holdin' that baby meant somethin' to him.

Pretty soon, Aunt Jenny said that if Buck didn't get down for his nap, Paco would have to sit and hold him all evenin' from Buck bein' so fussy. Paco said that was fine with him but Aunt Jenny took that baby anyway and we started on outside. Rosie was goin' with us and as we was walkin' out the door Aunt Jenny said, "Rosie, you remember what I said about that swimming. If those boys go swimmin', you come right on home." You could tell Rosie didn't like what her mama was sayin' but she didn't say nothin'. You kind of got the feelin' that Rosie and her mama had fussed about that before.

Spike, who was somewheres else in the house when me and Paco was eatin', had come back and he said, "We ain't gonna do no swimmin'. Uncle Shay said no swimmin' till our cousins' cuts is all healed over. He don't want them cuts to go to festerin'. Ain't gonna be no swimmin'. Uncle Shay said no swimmin'."

Spike was still talkin' and Rosie looked at us and kind of raised her eyebrows and looked off at the ceiling. You knowed she was thinkin', "Lord, that boy's a caution."

Rosie told me the horses was ready for ridin' but if I didn't want to, we could play baseball. I reckon my ass was still some sore but I was anxious to practice them things that Daddy taught me. It looked like somebody knowed that I was gonna go ridin' 'cause when we got to the corral there was a whole passel of younguns and eight horses saddled. The bay and the buckskin was with them.

Danny was there and so was a Mexican boy and two white boys that was about our big. I reckoned they was them boys Señora Maria was tellin' about last night. There was a Mexican boy and a China boy about Spike's big and there was a Mexican girl like Rosie. She was carryin' a baby and there was two littler Mexicans boys kind of holdin' on to her. It come to me that might be Isabela.

Maureen was there and she was with another Mexican girl about her big. Damn, our daddy was right when he said there was a passel of younguns on the Bent-Y. All them younguns was lookin' at me and Paco. I reckon that didn't bother me none 'cause I was lookin' at them too. I reckon that's what you do when you see someone you ain't seen before and you know you're gonna have to get them set in your head. They ain't like somebody you walk past on the street who you probably ain't never gonna see no more. Me and Paco was gonna be seein' these younguns for the rest of our lives, I reckon, so we might just as well get to learnin' them.

You seen right off that Rosie and that bigger Mexican girl was good friends. Rosie went right to her and they started talkin' but I couldn't hear what they was sayin'. Pretty soon, Rosie asked some growed Mexican man who was kind of seein' to the horses, "Señor Pablo, can Isabela go with us?"

"Isabela's mama needs her to watch these ninos today. Otra vez Rosita."

Isabela looked disappointed but you could tell she knowed that's what the answer was gonna be. I knowed all these Mexican younguns was Señora Maria's ninos. There was seven of them and I knowed Señor Pablo was their daddy. I seen somethin' in that oldest one, I reckoned he was Juan, almost like I seen in Paco. I knowed right off I was gonna like him real good.

I ain't sure how you know this, but I seen too that one of them white boys wasn't gonna be the easiest to like. There was somethin' about how he was, how he looked at you and how he was pushin' them others out of his way to get to be in front so he could see us better. The other white boy was kind of hangin' back like he was some shy. He was some taller than the rest of us and kind of skinny; not as skinny as Paco and you could tell he didn't have no malnutrition. His belly wasn't stickin' out and he was wearin' britches so you couldn't tell for sure, but it looked like his ass was the right big for the rest of him. I was still questionin' on how come that malnutrition give you a big belly and took away your ass.

Paco wasn't sayin' nothin' but he was havin' that ornery grin on his face. He was thinkin' somethin' and I wanted to know what it was. I said to him, "Paco, you might just as well go on and say it. These folks is gonna have to get used to your way of talkin' anyway so they might as well get started."

Paco tried to look real innocent. "I wasn't thinkin' nothin'. I was just takin' comfort from knowin' that me and that fat señora in Amarillo wasn't the only damn greasers in Texas. We found us a whole nest of them here."

Señor Pablo seemed some took back but Juan went to laughin'. Looks like boys can tell what other boys is thinkin' better than growed folks can. Juan knowed Paco was funnin'. When I looked again, I seen Señor Pablo tryin' real hard not to smile and I knowed he thought it was funny too. It was just that he was growed and, on the Bent-Y, I reckon, growed folks ain't s'posed to act like that kind of talk from younguns is funny.

I whispered in Paco's ear. "Daddy don't want them namin' words used even when we're funnin' and you cussed."

Paco got a real surprised look and he put his hand over his mouth. He took on kind of a mad and said to me, "Sam, if you'd just let me think them things, I wouldn't of done them bad manners."

I had to think on that. It was Paco who said it. How the hell did it get to be my fault?

I seen Danny laughin' too. Juan said to him, "Another greaser. We're gonna catch up with you gringos yet on this Bent-Y. Him and Juan come and put their arms around Paco's neck. "Tenemos compenero." Danny was talkin' Mexican talk.

Señor Pablo said, "If one of you Flynn boys' daddies hear you talkin' like that, there's gonna be more sore behinds on the Bent-Y than just the one on Sam. You boys know they don't like that kind of funnin'." He laughed anyway and went over and give Paco a little hug. "Tanto gusto, hermanito."

I reckon I could understand why them Flynn daddies was dead set against that namin'. They seen it done by folks who was hatin'. It come to me that Juan and Danny growed up seein' each other as just boys. They was never hurt by just what they was. They looked on their skin color like they looked on folks' hair color. It didn't mean nothin'. It was just different. They had no idea of the hurts them names give to some folks so they played with them like a tiny youngun might play with a gun could he get his hands on it. Nothin' might happen but then, somethin' might too. I seen what my daddy was talkin' about.

Rosie was already on the prettiest little sorrel gelding I ever seen. I seen her get on that horse and I seen that she knowed what she was doin'. Spike got on a little paint and Danny climbed on a chestnut gelding. The tall boy swung real easy on a kind of yellow horse, not like my buckskin but some like it. My buckskin had a black mane and tail. That tall boy's horse's mane and tail was yellow. It was a real pretty horse. Juan was on a black with a blaze on his head and the other boy was on what looked to be a chestnut mare. Them was all nice horses but me and Paco didn't have nothin' to be ashamed of with our bay and buckskin.

You seen that that next littler Mexican boy and that China boy was some jealous. They was almost cryin' from not gettin' to go with us and Spike wasn't makin' it no easier for them. "You know I ain't only gettin' to go cause I got new cousins, don't you? I reckon I'm just more growed up than you. If your mamas let you, when I get back, I'll take you out ridin'. I'll watch out for you real good."

Danny leaned over and whispered to me, "Old Spike's squeezin' every last bit of milk out of that tit, ain't he?"

When we got to ridin', it wasn't hard to see who was the best. I ain't sure why I wasn't surprised. I reckon it was because I seen her almost float onto that sorrel and she sit him like she was born there. The tall boy (I come to know he was Virgil Whitcher) rode real easy too. Really all of them younguns rode good but Rosie and Virgil just looked real good doin' it. Spike give me a surprise. He might not know what he's sayin' a good bit of the time but he sure knowed what he was doin' on that horse.

Paco looked real good too but you could tell his skinny and his weak wouldn't let him be as good as he knowed. I wasn't doin' too bad and soon Rosie had her sorrel right beside me and she'd tell me real nice when I was doin' somethin' wrong. I seen she wanted me to do good. I seen that even though we never seen each other before, there was somethin' between us. It was the same with Danny and Spike. I don't reckon it was love yet but I seen it was gettin' to be. We was all Flynns and the way them cousins let me and Paco be Flynns right off took out any scare I might have had left in me about them namin' on me.

Spike seemed like a different boy on that horse. He was all business. I reckon, now that we was actually doin' it, his excitement for gettin' to do it was over. He hardly said nothin'. Nobody was sayin' nothin'. It come to me that since me and Paco was new, everybody was some nervous.

Paco took care of that. He said to me, "Sam, do you reckon they shoot folks for talkin' on the Bent-Y or is it just that Spike used up all the words in north Texas?"

Everybody laughed. Even Spike. Virgil said, "No, they don't shoot folks for talkin'. If they did, Spike would have been dead and buried a long time ago. I reckon we was afraid did we start talkin', we'd prime Spike. Lord have mercy do we get him flowin'."

You seen Spike's feelings was some hurt. Paco seen that too and said, "I seen from my daddy and from Danny that us Flynns give long answers. It takes some practice so you can do that. That's all Spike's doin'. Practicin' for bein' a Flynn, ain't it Spike?"

You seen right then that Paco had just made hisself a friend forever. I was to learn later on that Spike took a lot of funnin' from his talkin' when he was excited and mostly he took it good. But he didn't want to be funned on in front of his new cousins when he didn't hardly know them. With Paco talkin' up for him, Spike took to lookin' on Paco like a big brother.

We wasn't goin' nowhere in particular. Them cousins and them friends was tellin' Paco and me about different things when we passed them and we finally ended up at the swimmin' hole. We was havin' fun ridin' and just bein' with them younguns but there really wasn't nothin' to see. I reckon, when you seen one wash or arroyo you seen then all and the swimmin' hole was about the only different thing there was to see. It was a wide, deep place in the creek and, 'course, there was trees around it. Danny showed us a tree stump that he said was from a old twisty cottonwood that looked like a all crockety Y from some distance off. He said when our Grandpa Flynn seen that, he give this place its name. Danny said a twister come through here and took that tree out long before he was born so he never seen it. How he knowed about it was, his daddy told him. I was wonderin' where that name come from.

Ain't it funny how you can be doin' things and not even know you're doin' them? It come to me when we was headin' back home that we was all talkin' like we knowed each other all our lives. Only Nate, the one I seen was gonna be hard to like, hardly said nothin'. He wasn't one for doin' what others wanted to do. He was always off doin' what he wanted. Virgil said, "He's the baby of the family and his mama won't let him grow up. He's got brothers older than my daddy and his next brother's twenty-two and he's only eleven. He's mostly all right but he can be some bothersome."

Danny said, "He'd be a whole lot more bothersome wasn't Rosie here. She don't take nothin' from him. She beats him up about once a week."

Rosie didn't say nothin'. Her face just got a little red but she had a look that was sayin' that she just done what had to be done.

I reckon we might have been gettin' some tired 'cause we was ridin' quiet. I was thinkin' on cousins and friends. Havin' friends didn't seem so hard. I seen that you just done them like you wanted them to do you and it looked like it worked better if you was just you, didn't try to do no showin' off or nothin'. I was thinkin', "What you say about this havin' a daddy and a house that looks like a castle and them cousins and all them new friends?" Nobody called nobody a whore's bastard or a greaser and nobody acted like we was different because Seamus Flynn was our daddy. We was all just younguns and I liked that.

I didn't know what they was sayin' but Paco and Juan was talkin' Mexican talk and they was laughin' and actin' silly. Danny could catch some of it and when he did, he was laughin' too. Virgil and me and Rosie and Spike was ridin' side by side, not sayin' nothin' but them boys laughin' was makin' us laugh. I don't know where the hell Nate was.

I was wishin' I could be like Paco. Seemed like in five minutes, he wasn't around no strangers. I remembered how I took to him and he done the same with everyone he come across. It still give me a wonder how he could live like he done and be so good with folks. I reckon I was proud of him.

Pretty soon we was all ridin' together again, even Nate. We was all talkin' and funnin' and it was like I been havin' these friends all my life. Virgil didn't say much but when he did it was usually some funny. I got to feelin' kind of sorry for Nate. You seen that he wanted folks to like him but he just didn't know how to do with folks. Didn't he get his way or did someone tell him he was wrong about somethin', he'd say somethin' real mean back. After he done it he seen he done a dumb thing and he felt bad for doin' it but he didn't know how to stop hisself. He'd just ride off by hisself again. Made me all the more proud of Paco, and when I thought on it, me. We never had no chance to learn to be friends but we was doin' better than Nate with these.

Don't know what it was, but somethin' spooked Spike's horse. Spike held him good and said, "Whoa, Stinger!" I reckon that give him a question. "What's the names of that bay and that buckskin?"

Well, it never come to me to give my buckskin no name. I don't think it come to Paco either but it didn't take him long to think one up. "I'm gonna call him Happy. That's how I been feelin' since I come to have him."

I had to think some. Paco done good in namin' that bay and I wanted to give my horse a name that meant something too. I rode quiet, thinkin' for a long time. Finally it come to me. "I'm gonna call her Hunter. I remember a poem my teacher read to us once. I don't remember all of it but part of it goes:-

'Home is the sailor, home from the sea,

And the hunter home from the hill.'

"I ain't sure what that man was meanin' when he wrote it down but it feels like I'm a hunter who's been gone from home a long, long time in them scary, lonesome hills but now I'm home. It feels like Hunter's the right name for this mare."

I didn't mean to stop the funnin' but everybody got real quiet. They was lookin' at Paco and me and it come to me that they was feelin' sorry for us. Made me just a little mad. I didn't want nobody feelin' sorry for me. I wanted us to be funnin' and be like we was friends since we was borned. I said, "I didn't mean to make you all sorrowful like and me and Paco don't want nobody feelin' sorry for us. But Hunter's a good name for this buckskin mare. We're home, ain't we girl? We're home and we're stayin'!" I slapped her on the neck.

Virgil said it. "Don't reckon we was feelin' sorry for you, Sam. I was just thinkin' what would I do if I had to live like you and Paco. I was thinkin' I'm lucky and I'm proud of how my mama and daddy look after me."

Nate added, "You're home, Sam and we're glad you are. Bet this chestnut can beat you all back to the corral."

That boy had to know better. Rosie and Virgil was off so fast I thought my buckskin was backin' up. I loved to watch them ride. They looked like they was floatin' on a cloud.

Paco's bay was almost keepin' up. Paco was a good rider and when he had his horse on a gallop, he didn't need no strong to do good. That bay just wasn't quite as fast as them other horses. Danny and Spike and Juan was doin' real good and I was some proud of me. I could tell Hunter was takin' care of me and not goin' faster than I could manage, but I was movin' with her good and I wasn't too far behind them others. Nate was just some little bit ahead of me.

When we got back to them houses, there went them damn eyes again. Both me and Paco got that water. Our daddy was standin' by the corral waitin' for us to come home. We was off them horses and runnin' to him even before them horses was stopped.

We was huggin' each other right there in front of all them younguns and I know most boys our age don't want no huggin' or kissin' in front of their friends but me and Paco didn't even care. He was our daddy and he could hug us anywhere he damn pleased.

When the huggin' was done, Daddy said, "We're going to eat at Kevin's tonight so you and Paco go with Danny and help him do his chores. He'll show you where to wash up."

Danny started toward one of them big barns and me and Paco followed him. Daddy called after us, "You boys be careful, now. Watch those horses close. I don't want you getting hurt. See you at supper."

Spike come with us for a ways. He was some put out that we wasn't eatin' with him. I seen he liked me fine but he sure took a shine to Paco. I knowed it was from Paco talkin' up for him but it was 'cause Paco was Paco too. Spike didn't go in the barn with us. He had his own chorin' to do but he done a lot of walkin' he wouldn't of had to just to stay near Paco some longer. He felt some better when Danny told him that he heard Spike's mama sayin' that Uncle Shay and the boys was gonna eat at her house tomorrow evenin'.

Danny's evenin' chores was grainin' them house horses, cleanin' up after them and turnin' them out in that big corral for the night. House horses was the carriage and saddle horses that was used by the folks who lived in them three houses. The bay and the buckskin and Daddy's gray was house horses.

I reckon Señor Pablo knowed everything there was to know about horses. They called him, Head Wrangler, but he done a lot more than just watch a picket line. He knowed all about doctorin' horses and he had men who helped him with the shoein' and groomin' and with keepin' the tack fixed and clean.

Beside the house-horse barn there was a bigger barn where everybody but the Flynns kept their horses. There was always some workin' horses in there too. Them workin' horses was brought in to be shod or for some kind of doctorin'. Juan's evenin' chores was to help his daddy in that barn. I knowed Rosie's chorin' was to help her mama in the house and Spike's was to do his mama's chickens. I don't know what Virgil's chorin' was but them younguns was sayin' that Nate don't have no chorin'. His mama thinks he's still too little.

I'd done enough chorin' around horses that I knowed some what I was doin'. I was able to help Danny real good. Them Indians and Vox never had no barn so Paco never done no barn things but he seen what we was doin' and tried real hard to do them too. Almost got me cryin'. That boy just didn't have no strong but he didn't have no quit neither. I reckon he'd of killed hisself didn't me or Danny go help him when he was tryin' to carry that grain bucket. We was only half done when I seen he was wore out but he was still tryin' to keep up with us. I wanted to tell him to sit down and rest but I knowed it would make him mad so me and Danny both just seen that we was there to help him when he tried to do somethin' too hard for him. I knowed what my daddy said was right. You just got to love that boy. You could tell, Danny was gettin' to.

When we was done chorin', we followed Danny to the bottom of one of them big windmills. There was like a little table there and it had a basin on it and a cloth for dryin' off hangin' on the side. Danny dipped that basin in the horse tank to get some water. He kind of grinned and said, "You s'posed to pump fresh but I don't reckon a little horse slobber never hurt no one." He put both his hands in that basin and throwed that water on his face and kind of moved his hands around a little in the basin. He looked at me and Paco and that look told us we was s'posed to do the same. Paco done like Danny. There was soap there and I used some on my hands. Danny looked at me like I was disgracin' every boy who ever lived. I can't help it. I was around that shit and I had to get it off me.

Paco and me started toward Uncle Kevin's house but Danny was standin' in that basin. "Don't you wash your feet, my mama won't let you in the house."

He done the same with his feet as he done with his hands. By the time me and Paco wiggled our feet around in that basin there wasn't much water left in it.

We went in Danny's dust room. There was a clean pair of britches hangin' there for each of us. You could tell which ones was mine and Paco's. They was the brand new ones. Paco watered up a little. He'd seen all them new britches in them closets at our house but there was still excitement in his voice when he said, "Look here, Sam! I got me another new pair of britches."

We had them dirty britches off and was about to pull on them clean ones when Danny's big sister, Katy come walkin' in that dust room like she was lookin' for somethin'. We was all naked and Danny yelled at her. "Get on out of here. Can't a man have his privacy when he wants to change his damn britches?"

Katy's thirteen. She looked at us in a kind of uppity way and said, "From what I can see, there aren't any men in this room. All I can see are three little boys."

Danny yelled, "Mama! Katy's in here and we're all bare- assed naked tryin' to change our britches. Get her on out of here!"

You could hear Aunt Lydia callin', "Danny, you watch your talk and, Katy, I don't want you teasing those boys. It seems to me like you'd at least get to know your cousins some before you start treating them like you do your brother."

Katy kind of smirked at us and strutted out of the room. "Sisters is a pure D pain in the ass," Danny said as she closed the door.

I reckon I should have been embarrassed or mad or somethin', her comin' in on us all naked like that. I reckon I should have but what Aunt Lydia said about her teasin' us like we was her brother kind of took the mad out of me. Even that uppity girl teasin' me like I was her brother felt good to me. Paco said he was so used to havin' folks see him naked, he didn't think nothin' of it."

That was somethin', eatin' with all them people. It was some like at Grandma Walton's but these folks really was family. It was tryin' to give me them feelin's and they was makin' me some mad. I didn't want to go to cryin' in front of all them people.

Uncle Kevin sat at one end of the table and Aunt Lydia sat at the other end. At first, Aunt Lydia was gonna have Danny sit between me and Paco but Paco said, "Hell...." He put his hand over his mouth and looked real scared at Aunt Lydia. You could tell she was havin' a awful time keepin' from laughin'.

Paco looked at Daddy. "What word do you say when you got to say hell but you can't because there's women folks around?"

Our daddy said, "Well, you might try - gee."

"Gee? That's a word for talkin' to a horse."

"Well, try it anyway."

Paco kind of raised his eyebrows like it seemed like a dumb idea to him but he said it anyway. "Gee! We was the whole afternoon with Danny and I like him real good but I ain't seen my daddy all day. I want to sit by him for this eatin'."

Daddy give Paco a little hug and Aunt Lydia told Danny to sit next to Maureen. She's about seven. Aunt Lydia had Maureen between Danny and Katy because she didn't want them two fussin' the whole dinner. When we sit down, Danny looked at me and said, "Little sisters ain't so bad."

Katy started to say somethin' but Aunt Lydia kind of slapped her real soft on the mouth and Katy knowed she was s'posed to keep her mouth shut.

I was already to start in on that food but nobody give me none. They was all just sittin' there, real quiet. It come to me what was gonna happen and it give me the scares. Aunt Lydia went to talkin' to her dish like that damn preacher man done. I looked at Danny. I reckon he knowed what I was thinkin'. He moved his mouth but he didn't let no words come out. "Don't mean nothin'. You're all right."

I seen what he was tellin' me but I didn't care. Them Christian things never done me nothin' but bad. Aunt Lydia seemed real nice but so did some of them fat lady Christians sometimes. I was gonna stay shy of her. I wasn't gonna give her no chance to yell at me or beat on me if she turned out to be one of them damn preacher man kind of Christians.

But when we went to eatin', I plumb forgot about bein' scared of Aunt Lydia. She was a big woman, not fat, just big and she laughed a lot. She was some like Paco. She was good at makin' other people laugh. Before we was done eatin', I decided that could be Danny knowed what he was talkin' about. Could be there was different kinds of Christians and could be Aunt Lydia was one of them good kind.

Even with Aunt Lydia doin' a lot of laughin' and funnin', Paco wasn't sayin' nothin'. For Paco, eatin' time wasn't funnin' time. This was serious business. It come to me that the one part of that boy that could work the hardest and not get wore out was his mouth. That thing was openin' and shuttin' and chewin' like nothin' you ever seen before.

Paco seemed to love taders but I seen Daddy pushin' that meat and them greens around on Paco's dish to where Paco would take them. I reckon greens and meat was better for gettin' over the malnutrition. I took a likin' to some sweet pickles, they called them, and I reckon Daddy seen I was eatin' them and not no greens. He seen to it I eat my greens.

It give me kind of mixed-up feelin's. Made my back kind of stiff when folks went to tellin' me what to do and I got some that way at my daddy. But you get a good feelin', too, when it comes to you that he was lookin' out for you and you didn't even know he was doin' it. I knowed he was worried on Paco's malnutrition and I thought he was just lookin' to him but I didn't have to worry none. I was bein' took care of too.

While we was eatin' I told my daddy that I liked chorin' with horses and I liked Danny real good. Could me and Paco have our chorin' be helpin' Danny? Daddy and Uncle Kevin kind of laughed. I didn't see nothin' funny about what I said until Daddy and Uncle Kevin got to talkin' about how they done when they was boys. Their daddy give them a job but they spent most of their time playin'. They told some funny stories about how them four Flynn boys done when they was growin' up in San Francisco and I seen why they thought us three boys tryin' to work together was some funny. All three of us kept tellin' them daddies we wouldn't do them things they done and please let us chore together. Them daddies said they'd have to think on it. They said their daddy always said, "One boy's a boy. Two boys is a half a boy and three boys is no boy at all." Then they both went to laughin' real hard, rememberin' stuff, I reckon. Uncle Kevin said, "When we were younguns, four boys were a disaster."