November 7th 2019 was a good year for most. The weather was cold but bright, Not so at night when street homeless gathered round the fire behind the supermarket. I turned a blind eye to the folk who most people called vagrants. My Name. John Warner.
I had been a security guard for some years, and although not well paid, I had my own home and a loving partner. Charlie would be at home sorting out the Christmas card list and writing the cards out ready for mid December when he would send them off to our various friends around the world.
When on duty I used to meander round the back of the store to have a chat with some of the homeless men around their fire. Although some were drunk and their words unfathomable, many were lucid and happy. Four of the men were ex military like me, and they would talk over their experiences of Afghanistan and Helmand Province. The horrors they saw, the lack of help with their mental pain.
One of the guys that I admired above all others, was an ex Royal Marine Sergeant, Alan Singleton. He was gay but Had been married and had served with distinction for eleven years. Survived three tours in Afghanistan until an IED had blown up four of his best friends, but leaving him physically undamaged. They were men who he was responsible for, three Marines and one Marine Corporal. Alan had been left alone with his dreams and nightmares too long and had turned to drink to try and shut them out. Counselling had barely helped. He was mine and Charlie's cause for now. We had invited Alan to our home and let him clean up and rest in a comfortable bed. Sadly the dreams and nightmares would not go away and he returned to drinking. I always looked out for him to see he was OK. However this night Alan was not around.
I asked around the guys there and found out that Alan had been given bad news that morning. The police had been looking for him for six days and finally caught up with him. Tom, one of Alan's friend told me that Alan's wife had died suddenly and there was a 10 year old boy involved from his failed marriage. Because of the police not finding Alan the boy was in care. So Alan had borrowed money and hot footed it to his home in Surrey. I knew Alan's address and immediately phoned Charlie to give him the news and to dash to Alan's house and see that all was alright with Alan and I would call him back.
Alan arrived at his house, Rapidly sobering he let himself in to find the house empty and cold.
He firstly turned on the heating and then to the kitchen to make a strong cup of coffee. His boy, the light of his life and the reason he stayed alive was without a parent to mourn with. 'Damn my drinking.' Alan thought. 'I have to straighten myself out or I will loose my son for being an unfit parent.' He drank the coffee and made another and by 2pm he was sober and ready to find his boy.
**
Tommy sat in the temporary foster home crying for the loss of his mother. She had collapsed making his breakfast and and although he dialled 999 quickly the ambulanceman couldn't save her. Then the police lady said they couldn't find his daddy. He knew his daddy was hurting all the time and that was the reason he went away. His daddy had told him he loved him but he was frightened he might hurt Tommy some time when he hurt. Tommy missed him so much. He knew why his daddy hurt because he had told him. His best friends had died, yet he lived. Tommy had heard the nightmares and it frightened him. Now, he didn't care. He wanted his daddy to hold him. The police lady had said they couldn't find him and she would do as much as she could. He had be looked after by a nice lady for a while. True, the lady was nice but she wasn't his mum or dad. Mrs Williams held Tommy in her arms. The police had told her the story of the mother and his father. The chances of the father being able to look after the boy seemed very slim. He was an alcoholic, suffered from severe PTSD which was the cause of his drinking. "Do you miss your daddy Tommy" She asked.
That brought on more tears. "So much Mrs Williams. I want for him to be my daddy again. He drinks 'cause he is hurting inside and he has terrible dreams that make him scream so loud. He still loves me I know but so many people are frightened of him when he gets angry. He left us so we would be safe. Now I don't know where he is."
Mrs Williams spoke softly to Tommy. "The police have found him and told him. He was so drunk but they told me he cried."
"Will he come for me?"
"I don't know sweetheart. Nobody really knows what your Daddy will do next."
**
Alan sat holding a picture of his wife and boy. How long he had been there, he couldn't tell, having sold his watch for booze some time ago. He looked and the clock on the wall said 4am. The doorbell rang twice, Alan got up and went to the door hoping it was the police to take him to Tommy. He opened the door.
"John!, What the hell are you doing here."
"May I come in Alan. I am here for you my friend. We are going to get Tommy back for you and you are going to change. They won't let you have Tommy until you do"
"John, I can't change. The dreams are as bad as ever."
Charlie and I are going to help you Alan. We have found brilliant help which we will pay for. We have to get you well again. I have contacted the police and they will send a police woman and social worker and bring Tommy at 9 o'clock. Have you still got clean clothes here?"
"Why would you help me John. I am a drunk plus all the other problems."
"Alan. I have found help for you. This guy we have has helped many men like you. Do you know how? Because he was once like you. He was one of the first PTSD sufferers from Afghanistan. His parents got him help and now he works with other veterans to help them heal. The methods are scary but they work. We will see Tommy and then you are coming home with me and stay with Charlie and I.
The room for you is set up. You will not be able to drink at all."
"Why would you do this for me. I'm just a drunk ex squaddie (Soldier)."
"Why, Alan? Because you are a decorated soldier and deserve better than what the powers that be have given you. They give you a bravery medal true, but no help worth a salt since. Thrown on the scrapheap of life. You are a good man Alan, your boy needs you." So go. Have a shower or bath. Dress yourself up as I know you can and let's get you better."
Alan broke down then. Crying he said. "I don't know if I can do this John." Getting up, He said.
"But I am damn well going to try."
**
Spot on 9 am the doorbell rang and Alan rushed to the door. I heard the scream "Daddy. Daddy. Your here. Are you here to stay, am I coming home? I missed you so much. Mummy died and gone to heaven. I love you daddy"
I felt the love from this little boy for his father.
They all entered the living room with Alan holding Tommy in his arms.
"You have an hour with him Mr Singleton." Christie Holder said. "Then he must return to the foster home. He will be well looked after."
Alan, sensibly realised that he couldn't take Tommy as he now was.
" I will want him back. I am going to get well again and become once again the father Tommy needs. My friend here and his partner will be helping me. So I need to know can I get my son back when I am better?"
"Mr Singleton." The social worker said. Normally we would not even consider letting Tommy live with you, Now or ever. However. I will review this again on the 23rd of December. If I get reports that you are well and back on track I will reconsider that decision. Do I make myself clear. I am doing this because I know what some of you went through. My son included. I know you can be cured as he was. So, the 23rd of December. No earlier.
Alan thanked the social worker for her future kindness and assured her that he would be well by that date.
*******
Back at John and Charlie's house later that day Alan was beginning to get fractious due to the lack of alcohol in his system. He knew this was the start of a very hard journey. However, the goal posts had to be reached by 23rd December. Just 2 days before Christmas.
Both John and Charlie had got their spare room readied for Alan to make his home for the immediate future. John then said to Alan. "Go and have a long shower and then we will take you to your room. It is already set up for you. You will hurt a lot but that will get better and better as the days go by. The door will be firmly locked except for you to have food and ablutions. Is that understood Alan?"
"Yes John, and Charlie. I am ready to start the treatment."
Good Alan. Get yourself sorted out and then go upstairs to your room."
**************
The man who had designed and fixed the recovery program. Burt Gray, had been at John's all day setting up the equipment needed for the treatment he had tailor made for Alan and was waiting at his home to begin the treatment for Alan by remote control.
He heard the buzzer to let him know that Alan was in his allocated room and ready to start.
Alan heard the noise of an explosion and immediately went into trauma mode. Then just as suddenly a soothing voice repeated over and over again. 'Alan, you are not to blame. There was nothing you could do.' That voice went on over and over for almost an hour. Then suddenly, just as Alan was calming down, another loud explosion noise. The trauma returned then another explosion and another. Three in a row. Followed by the soft voice saying again. 'It was not your fault they died Alan.' Again the voice went on for another hour. Then silence. The door opened and Charlie stood by the door with some food and a coffee.
"Here Alan, Eat this. It will be a long night from here on."
"Charlie, I can't take this it will drive me mad."
"You might think that but Burt Gray has cured 30 men so far and counting. In fact all the men he has treated. You were warned it would be hard. Just think it is for Tommy your son."
Alan sobbed so hard that Charlie started to weaken but knew he musn't. If Alan wanted Tommy back he had to persevere.
"Eat Alan. You have an hour." saying that, Charlie left and re-locked the door.
Strangely, Alan was ravenous and ate all before him. His system cried out for alcohol but he drank the coffee. The hour passed and then BANG. The explosion again and again followed yet again by the voice telling Allan he wasn't at fault for the death of his friends and charges.
**********
Alan wasn't sure when he fell asleep to the soothing voice but he awoke feeling refreshed. Still his body craved alcohol but somehow he felt better in himself. What he didn't know was the voice had gone to his subconscious mind almost like a long hypnosis session.
A key in the door and John entered with a plate of English breakfast. Normally Alan missed breakfast for a half bottle of vodka. Today he wanted the breakfast. Just as he put the first bit of food near his mouth. Explosion sound! It made him jump but no trauma. Then another explosion and another. He ate the breakfast. An improvement but he knew there was a way to go.
Alan finished the food and I collected the tray. Not saying a word I left and the room plunged into darkness yet again.
For the next 4 days all Alan heard, except for food and toilet breaks, was a repeated message along with loud explosions.
"Get better daddy I love you." Tommy's voice repeated time and time again.
By the time it stopped Alan was in full flood of tears. All the fear and terror seemed to fade into insignificance. Suddenly the lights turned on and both Charlie and I entered the room.
"How are you Alan?" I asked.
"I feel like death on one hand but on the other I feel close to being my old self."
I then said. "You have completed part one, and it seems successfully. For the next part you have to be taught how to control the alcohol. That will take longer. However, to boost you moral and strength to wean off it Tommy will come to see you for one hour a day. Oh, and from time to time, when you least expect it there will be explosions. Tommy will be here when they happen without warning. It is still part of your treatment. Alan, for what may have been the first time for a long time, looked forward to seeing his son without having a fogged mind. His head felt clear.
"I look forward to seeing him John. I have missed him so much. Even when I was drinking, I could not stop thinking of him. He has always been the light of my life."
"Well Alan. You now have almost gone through one barrier but the biggest one has still to come. I will see you later."
I closed the door. As soon as it closed there was a sudden loud explosion noise. Alan jumped but managed to keep himself calm,yet again.
The next morning at 10am Tommy knocked softly on his fathers door. Alan called.
"Come in."
Tommy rushed to his father and almost strangled him with a massive hug round the neck. The two held each other amid the tears from both of them. Then Alan noticed the policewoman at the door. She said.
"It's alright Alan. I just have to supervise the visit each day. I will not intrude in any way unless I feel Tommy is in any danger, Looking at the two of you I don't see I will have any problems."
Suddenly there was a loud bang. Tommy jumped more than his dad.
"It's alright Tommy, just part of my treatment. I am getting used to them now but for a long while it would have taken me back to Afghanistan and it would make me ill. Thanks to my friends I have improved a lot."
"I am happy dad just to see you and you do look a lot better than last time. The man asked me to make a recording for him saying I loved you. Have you heard it?"
"Yes I have Tommy and how wonderful it sounds too."
"Can we play chess dad. It is a long time since we have. I am school champion at my age. That's probably because there are only two of us that play"
"That sounds good Tommy. Your visit is only an hour for a while but we should finish a game in time. If not it will hold over until tomorrow."
Alan found the chess set and set it up with Tommy as white. They were both so engrosed in the game that the hour flew by. The game not finished, was put aside as father and son said their goodbyes. Tommy was tearful at that point but the police lady reminded him that he would be back the next day.
*********
The visits went well and Alan improved all the time. His craving for alcohol diminished and Alan signed up for Alcoholics Anonymous for when he finished his treatment. I got the all clear for Alan to go out of the house for the first time since he started treatment on 14th December. He was going to meet Tommy at the ice cream parlour at 10am. This time the Police woman left them alone. After demolishing two very large ice cream sundaes there, they both went to Alan's house where both Charlie and I met them. We spent the rest of the day cleaning and decorating. With only ten days to Christmas Eve Alan, Charlie and I got our heads together while Tommy played in the garden.
Finally Christmas Eve arrived. All three of us had managed to keep everything secret from Tommy.
It was at half past three that the car pulled up outside Tommy's foster home. Charlie and I got out and went and knocked the front door.
As arranged with Mrs Williams the foster mother, Tommy opened the door.
I Said. "Hello Tommy. We have a problem of where you are going to spend Christmas. Mrs Williams will be to busy to look after you so you had better pack some clothes and we will take you to another lady."
Tommy looked so forlorn. "Can't I stay here? My dads coming tomorrow to take me out."
I tried to look stern, but it was a heck of a struggle.
"Sorry Tommy, your dad can see you at your new address."
Mrs Williams, true to what we planned, came to the door with a rucksack and handed it to Tommy.
"I will see you in the New Year Tommy. Have fun at your new home. I know the people there and they will love to have you."
Tommy turned and hugged Mrs Williams, she herself was quite teary but tried not to show it. She had watched Tommy transform back to being a happy boy again..
"Off you go then Tommy. See you soon."
Tommy went with us to the car and Charlie took a long circuitous route while I kept Tommy amused so he didn't check where we were going. Charlie stopped the car. Tommy looked of of the window and saw we had stopped outside of his house.
"What are we doing here Uncle John." He called us both uncle.
"Just got to get something." I said. "You better come and help me."
We got out of the car and I opened the front door. We all entered the lounge and suddenly all the lights came on. Including a grand Christmas tree and fairy lights in the window.
"Hello son." Alan said. "welcome to your new foster home."
Tommy stopped in his tracks. I swear a puff of wind would have blown him over. He was silent for a minute then dashed to his dad.
"Daddy! Is it true. Am I back forever?"
"Yes Tommy. Dad is well again and we can be a family again. Those horrors that made me ill have almost left me. I don't drink any more and everyone who looked after me say I can be your daddy again."
Charlie and I were openly crying. A pair of old softies us.
Alan and Tommy were hugging each other as we both crept out of the house.
We got back home and Burt met with us and gave us the run down on how the treatment had gone.
I seemed that Burt's treatment had worked yet again. This time with a special happy ending.
The End ....Except for.
Politicians.
You send our young men and women to war. They do your bidding. Yet so many of them are out there on our streets. Homeless and hurting. You owe them for their dedication to duty. Help make them whole again, don't desert them and leave the charities to pick up your pieces.
(As an ex soldier. Tears comes to my eyes and I weep for them!)